ÀP'TÎR

Allow Me To Introduce The Newness...

2004-02-27T00:47:00.000-08:00

Everyone, I have gotten much too antsy about my site that br got me. So i have decided to move to that site eventhough i am not ready to show my new layout yet. Please forgive my insolence, but i hope you enjoy the site. I will start posting every new entry onto that site starting with my FFF for this week. Enjoy

Revamping The System

2004-02-26T09:58:00.000-08:00

Remember Nintendo everyone? Remember how insufferably long some passwords to video games were? Remember how annoyed and pissy it made you to have to input all of the code in and especially to have to write it down? Well here is an idea that Josh came up with. And I would have to say it is one of the best I have ever seen.

Nice Day... Cloudy.

2004-02-25T16:45:00.000-08:00

So I went to The Passion Of Christ today at a 12 o'clock showing. My Heart is still reeling from it. I really, really want to explain myself, to share with you some of the love and thoughts I found again and discovered anew in this movie... But I don't think I would ever do it justice. Please just go see the movie. It's a marvelous depiction of Christ's death and resurrection. I would be truly honored to hear anyone else's thoughts on this movie... Once you get a chance to see it that is. The only thing I will choose to say right now is this; Jesus you are awesome. Thanks for watching the movie with me today. I really couldn't have sat through the whole thing without you there. Thank you for also allowing me to feel for the first time the full pain and anguish of your death. Thank you for allowing me to mourn for you and feel sorry for those that tortured you. Also, I am really thankful that I felt so happy and elated and full of your holy presence when I thought about your great commission and ascension. You ROCK! And now just for observation; Isn't it rather odd that even though I know and have always felt amazed that Jesus endured so much pain and ridicule for me, that until I saw it represented accurately, I couldn't cry uncontrollably? Why did Hollywood have to show it graphically before I could properly cry and mourn his torture? I guess I don't really need an answer, I am just going to be grateful I was able to experience it and now have the ability to feel it, rather than question why it took a movie to do so.

Just In Case...

2004-02-24T19:13:00.000-08:00

In case no one saw how that last post was let me tell you... It was heavily saturated in sarcasm. Oh my goodness grief I am loving my life style right now. I have never had it so easy in my life I think... Yeah ever. Just thought I would rub it in. And I know br is reading this and thinking of ways to ruin my nice day... MWAHAHAHAHA... That could be his maniacal laughter maybe... maybe not. On a side note David Crowder Band is really really good. It's nice to hear. Thanks for the suggestion Melissa. Also FreezePop is really good stuff too. I am loving me some FreezePop. You have to see this one first though. That's how I found out about them. &nsbp And lastly, Lyndsay Diaries is pretty nice as well. Jenn thanks for the reminder. It turns out I had some of their stuff in my various artists stuff. I really like the mixtape song. Thanks ey.

Weariness invade my senses please...

2004-02-24T18:59:00.000-08:00

So I have been on a very negative slide in my ideas for writing this past week. You know what I blame it on? Sleep. I have been getting tons recently and my new bed is so comfortable as well. How can I be tired, or as I like to call it, creative, unless I am sleep deprived. Woe is my situation. I hate you stupid futon. My job isn't making it any easier. Now thanks to the house dsl line being hooked up, I don't even have to leave my bed to work. In fact on Monday I only got up to use the restroom and eat a couple times. I need the rigorous schedule of having to be at starbucks by 12 and having to sit in one their cozy purple seats, while enjoying a soy chai latte. Then maybe under that tough situation my mind could flourish. Oh well... Maybe I could get Gimli to start waking me up every couple of hours while I sleep. That'd be helpful...

A Little Bit Like Complete Acceptance...

2004-02-23T20:24:00.000-08:00

So my roommates and I had our first group experience. We have not come up with specifics for our name but for everyone who is unaware, the main reason for me moving up to Seattle is to help Daniel and Joy to start a ministry of cell based churches. We had our first get together just the four of us and talked about key specifics and what not. But then afterwards we had a chance to worship. Let me just say, oh yeah. It was a wonderful time to share all together again. I once again was able to worship along side some of my bestest friends. Except for Josh, they are a little over a year friends, but extremely dear to my heart. The chance to open up and worship unabashedly with them was a beautiful experience and the fact that it was just the first of many to come, well... Indeed this shall be a auspicious thing.

And That Would Be My Point.

2004-02-23T19:30:00.000-08:00

So there are many things I try to talk about... I try to express myself and share some of my views and insights to certain things. I would like to continue doing much of the same kind of thing. Unfortunately it seems that one of the persons on the internet was looking for some serious advice and I was unable to help him. You see I have this rather nifty counter that tracks how many "unique" visitors come to my site, and also it shows how they got here. Well one such person was looking for a specific answer on google. They somehow pulled my site onto the list and so I wanted to answer that question since I have yet to in my previous posts.

Are paranoid schizophrenics capable of falling in love with the opposite sex? Well reader, this is a very interesting question to bring up. I have for many months now, been pondering that same question myself. I too ponder the inevitable questions of purpose. Is it even feasible for a schizo like myself to pursue a relationship? Well as my alter egos would suggest, of course it is! As long as you keep a proper eye on them and buy a good handgun. So I would have to incline with my otherselves and say that you too can find someone special out there who will like you for each of you. By the by, If you are a woman and extremely hot, Gimli and I are looking. Sorry but Dwaergor is married and Aelschwen doesn't bat for that team.

From The Outcroppings of Chris's Mind, I Bring You... FFF!

2004-02-20T19:40:00.000-08:00

I really hope I get cool enough to where on a title like that I could have some suspenseful music play as you read it... Welcome to another installment of FFF: Ode To Amy, The Harbinger Of Cookies: Oh Amy never have you made For me the cookies of chocolate chip! Oh what dare we achieve if not a cookie? For without this shall all feelings falter. You have so much chance for friendship, Will you not consider the charge? Oh Amy I have considered all possibilities. And the one true remainder is that the cookies shall be sweet! They shall sate my hunger and remove all weariness. Yes those cookies shall be well received. And only one more day to wait for the taste of such speckled greatness. Oh Amy woe is the feeling that festers in my stomach. Your package of care has been received and opened. The picture was great and the hi-liters were neat. But why, why didn't you create such simple delights, As those scumptious cookies within my inner sight. First Night On The Mic: Feeling the power of the lights which burn. Tasting the smoke of the previous contender. Slowly, with sure defiance to a losing breed I wonder. Shall I have a chance to sing before I lose my compulsion? I begin to remember the song I seek to sing. It's rhythm is within me it melody I breath. Suspenseful music starts to bring me together. My heart is pounding as my lips begin to quiver. I remind myself that I know this song, I will rock out. So I stand and feel the calm reassurance of Guinness within my system. I make sure to tell myself before the first words... "Chris remember the dance! No one will care what you sing with the dance." Emboldened and ready as a charge to my system. "It's alright, to tell me, what you think, about me..." This is it the moment where all fun requires spectators. They enjoy me and desire more. I remember the dance and it invokes a laugh. "Well I guess this is growing up..." Now is my secret, not even my friends are expecting this. Surging with exuberance for the quality I am exhorting... "I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller. If I had a girl that looked good I would call her!" Success! The dance begins, I find my charisma and the song is done. Clapping all around and muffled laughs. Yes I was good and that was the end of this first mic call. For The Truth Which Bespoke My Fear: I am honest with those I desire to be. You will not know me unless I choose it. Take value in yourself if you hear my inner most thoughts. You have a value to me I would not soon trade in. I like you as a person, but more important, I love you as a friend. I am not a person whom most will want to know. But you choose to and so I am jealous to let this go. Forgive me if I seem too open, too expressive of my fear. I try not to overwhelm but I can see the lines of stress. I'll try to release my inner most in a more timely fashion... Please don't let me lose this chance to learn something more. I want to know you as badly as I press the knowledge of me. Nothing will cause that to change because I have chosen to be your friend. Friendship is bond I never make lightly because of the pains it can cause. But your friend I want and need to be. Find in me an open receptacle of understanding. I want nothing more than for you to look at me and know no fear. Know that I will always accept you, always care for you. Never will anything you choose to hide scare me from your side. I am a friend even past the day I am chosen to die. ~so thus ends another day in my hopes to express myself. I thank you for attending and also I want to thank Amy for the awesome hi-liters and the reese's peanut butter cups. Oh YEAH! And the last poem goes out to all of those I think of as my friends. Have a good evening and make sure to keep rocking for the kids. Night.

But I Don't Wanna Post!

2004-02-19T18:16:00.000-08:00

Motivation: I know Chris but you said you would try to do one a day to work on your writing abilities. Shut up. I am not gonna write a post and you won't make me! Motivation: Oh, Won't I? What's that supposed to mean? Motivation: Oh nothing, just having fun making a question sound insidious. You are such a freak. Motivation: Yeah, freaky like a fox! Dude, I don't even know what that is supposed to mean and I thought it. Motivation: Shut up. You shut up. Motivation: Deal.

So Many Choices... So Much Time.

2004-02-18T17:39:00.000-08:00

So I managed to win a contest we were having at the house. We had this combination lock box that we yoinked from the bank because they failed to pick it up. So we were trying in an orderly fashion to come up with the combination and the winner could declare a prize. Well I was the winner and so I chose my prize to be that we would go to a karaoke bar and all four of us would be required to sing. OH YEAH! So now all I need to do is come up with some good songs for the karaoke rockathon. Any suggestions?

Ben Harper Steals Kisses Because He Sucks May Or May Not Suck...

2004-02-18T17:23:00.000-08:00

Yeah that's all i really have to say on that. On a side note though, i am finally going to pick up some batteries for my camera so i should be able to show you all my new beard and jacket, or jaqueta if you prefer.

I Will Declare A Holiday, The Night That She Threw Me Away...

2004-02-17T18:02:00.000-08:00

So i was gonna write this long blurb about what i thought of the music industry. I even got pretty far commenting on my views and trying to back them up... i'd say i was about 3/4 of the way done when i realized something... all the points i was bringing up and saying about them, were stupid and petty. The music industry has major problems. Everyone gets that to a point. So instead of ranting about the industry i'll try to be more productive and write about why i care about the music industry. Music is such a profound medium for people to engage in with other persons. They can get their views, their sense of self, and their cultural values from "rock stars" messages in verse. So much of the pop culture right now exudes control and dictates what is cool and what is not. This power they have is so amazing. For the industry to release bands and have masses come to appreciate and attach to their mindsets is incredible. It's mind conditioning on an enormous scale. No one reading this could honestly say that the fashion they have and the ideas they express, are not at least, encouraged in their group of influences. And if you analyze your influences you can definitely see that the music you listen to enables your view and ideas. Now whether they molded you or you found them is not my point. Because the power of the conditioning is my ultimate goal to show. Through views and ideas expressed, you unite under similar banners. You can identify with other people who listen to the same music as you because they have similar views on the world. You like how people in your circle dress and find them attractive when you see someone dressing that way. Look at the resurgence of 80's punk that started a while back. Now any teen can feel Punk Rock by going to their local hot topic and buy "punk" clothes. (let's not even discuss the obsurdity of that. Too much fun.) And with the purchased clothes they now have the right to feel the Punk code and have disdain for all things corporate. They have become able to envelop into a culture where their pain is understood. Look all around you. Goths, Preps, gangstas, emo kids, indie kids, metal kids, country losers... i mean kids, the hip hoppers, ravers. You name it and you will find a culture that exists and is influenced by the music they listen to. So, now here is my major point... I love music and what it can do to me because of the direction i relate it to. I try to find a path to God through all forms of music i listen to. I think that when a musician can write something, whether it's secular or what have you, that can transcend physical meaning and grasp onto a moment of time in your soul, You get a taste of the true power of music. That is why it can shape and mold, break and destroy us. And i want to learn to use it. I want to learn to write and create music for the sole reason of reaching people and helping them to understand that there is a spiritual world existent around and through the material world. And then once i have these poor people within my delicate grasp. Once they are addicted to the beauty they sense in a purpose i have shown, i want to declare how i found out about this spiritual reality. I want to grab them with a sense of meaning and introduce them to Jesus. I want them to find God on level of vulnerablility that removes any doubt to the truth of Jesus Christ. If people were to meet Jesus through music that is already a part of themselves, it would show how dynamic Christ truly is. I especially think it would help the listeners to realize that all the negative thoughts they have because of how God was presented to them, would disolve and they would understand the reality of Jesus. Now all i need to do is learn how to play and instrument effeciently... and maybe learn to sing, that'd be cool.

Yes! I Have Reached The Pinnacle Of My Success!

2004-02-17T13:56:00.000-08:00

oh yeah, someone totally took my poster child and posted it on their site because they liked it so much. I am so happy. Thanks Rosie

I Have Found Him!!!

2004-02-16T17:23:00.000-08:00

Yes! After long last all emo children can now look to their poster child for help in all that needs to be defined as emo. I hope every emo kid out there happened upon the special on saturday night. If you did then you are already finding some poster of him and pasting that guy in stickers and whatnot everywhere. Yes, Charlie Brown has been found. I am so happy and so relieved that the quest is now over. So with out further due... I present The Official Emo Poster Boy of 2004!:

Of All Days, Why On A FFF?

2004-02-13T19:49:00.000-08:00

So I warn you all now that this is gonna suck... I've been stuck on Carraba and Saves The Day. Not too mention I realized it was valentine's day weekend from some nice articles on the possibility of success for newly weds. UGH! So welcome to a lovely day amongst prancing fairies and daffodils... FFF NOW BEGINS!: What Is To Gain: On days like these my heart gets the better of me and I remember... I remember why it is that Valentine's day exists. I remember how it feels to celebrate it... On days like these I have hope for those who prescribe to it. But today I have mixed my Memories with Knowledge... So now I remember why I have been single. I remember how my feelings were let aside and perpetual disease set in. I remember the doom that awaited that last and final Valentine's The day was a facade towards semblance within boundaries of love. I hate what we wrought and fear for a trial later on... I am never going back to that night and that makes me glad. This bitter spewing of contagious Remorse I cast aside. I am never going to let my past repeat itself. I am going to stand and fight for my future Love. Never will evil prevail while hope yet endures for Faith. Power will forever be given to the greatness of He. Beauty will forever be wrought upon the Love I seek. Power through pain, impassioned through knowledge. I have won already you evil consortium of minimalistic pain. I will laugh once I have buried you beneath the waves of Acceptance. Power Of Most: How despicable Pain is when it festers in me I hate you, despised creation of remorse Become the empty nothingness and reside no longer Your Parasitic demeanor has become almost overpowering But with every ounce of pain inflicted I stand. I stand against you and pull you free despite the tear to my heart. Ha... So silly... I cannot believe this! You seemed so powerful and strong. How different it is once you ceased pumping me full of your toxin. I no longer require this display of inadequacy you have taught me. Take that as well, and this, my fear of rejection. Whoa... A little light headed. Wow how indescribably unique! I Have never lost more and gained yet a whole entity. So... That was your last deceit... That I was only a halve, not complete... Happy Valentine's day: So that will conclude my tirade of poetry and now I continue through essaterical means. Happy valentine's day everyone. I am so happy that all who are doing something will, and that all who hold it as a stupid holiday whose concepts need be enforced more than one day out the year, do. I will be alone again this year, which I am finding to be better and better as the years progress. Don't fear for me because I will be fine. I am sorry if any anger I expressed scared people. It was fun for me and I rarely show my anger through verse... At least for real purposes. I was really happy at how uplifting and right it seemed to be pissed publicly at my loss, but especially I just wanted to write this to re-interate the largest hate I have. Never let go of the reason why you love someone. Sure, let it grow and let it change, but never let it get chipped away through pettiness. Love is a gift to give and a treasure to receive, never let your gift become tainted. Also never let your love be masked or feigned. It costs nothing to give it, but everything when it you deceptively try to give it. (anyone starting to think this sounds like a part from Mystery Men?) I respected and cherished the love I had for my ex. But somehow I had allowed it to blind me from the person she was. I should have given it freely without any conditions or guidelines in which she should receive it. For that I will always be sorry, but I will never feel guilty again. I've done that for too long and it has lost its appeal for me or her. So I just wish everyone to have a chance to love this weekend. Enjoy time with the special person you have in your life. Become who you are and encourage the same from them. The time you share may just become the answer to everything you have always wanted but failed to achieve by yourself. Night. ~Chris

Argh I'm An Emorate!!!

2004-02-12T16:20:00.000-08:00

Yeah so I haven't been in the mood to post anything yesterday and today. Go read someone else's stuff I'm sure you already do. On the plus side of things Melissa made a site. Last week I think? And I forgot to say that you should go there. So in addition to all of the other wonderful sites I have mentioned in previous blogs, you should really add hers too. So far I have enjoyed it immensely. Oh yeah and while you are at it... this, and definitely her, and this, and this one is pretty good. On a side note... br could you email me with details to how I can upload to the server with an ftp program? I guess I need an address of sorts? Yeah. And for all those non-techies, that means that I am days away from unleashing my new site. It shall be beautiful, full of color, and everything you could not have expected. Well... Maybe not the last part. But at least it will be an attempt to upgrade from the stale website you see before you. Eh.

Purple Quasars Couldn't Stand Up To This!

2004-02-11T15:41:00.000-08:00

Hello Readers! I have uncovered a nefarious plot to seed dissension in the most crucial platform your culture has, Fashion! It has come to me from a source which shall remain nameless. That many males among your species are becoming more and more obsessed with fashion. In most particular, many boys in the "emo" or "indie" circle, have started to wear women's jeans. This is a disastrous plot to ruin all of humanity. If all of your male society begins to fashion themselves along this destructive path, many will fall further within fashion's evil grasp. I urge all men and women alike to confront any men they see wearing women's designer jeans, and beat them senseless until they come to realize the error in their ways. Why just yesterday I found a gang of fashion moguls who were trying to sell such despicable jeans to men. I was able to put down this insurgence of evil, but I fear it may be a part of a larger syndicate operating by a vindictive woman. Yes men I fear that a woman in your society is secretly trying to bring destruction to you all. Stand up. Fight this perpetrator on every front. If this goes unthwarted many men will fall into more deceptive vices. They will being to express their emotions clearly and articulately to anyone with time to listen. They will start to care about their personal appearance with intense scrutiny to others whom have less care. It will cause utter mayhem. If this is not stopped all men will start to discriminate with strict guidelines, whom they may find attractive and/or whom they will try to seek a relationship with. If this happens than there may very well be an outbreak of mass ambivalence to the idea of marriage and relationships with the opposite sex. I have heard of such cases on other worlds and I urge you to fight this. There is no overcoming the pickiness of a woman when they are determining the viability of a partner. If the men begin to have equal discrimination, all will collapse, there will be no more generations of humans on your planet. So I hope this finds as many unaffected males as possible, and I also hope that you will give this some serious thought and try to fight this plague of fashion which shall affect the men of your culture like free buffalo wings with every pint ordered.

Anybody Want Some Ramblings?... No? Oh Okay.

2004-02-10T15:08:00.000-08:00

So I am reading this book Josh recommended called "Darwin's Black Box" by ~~Kenneth Miller~~ Sorry Michael Bege (funny thing is that i found i put the wrong author because Bege butchers Miller's own findings.haha). It is a look at the theory of Darwinism from the biochemical stand point. I like it so far. The more I read it though the more I just have to wonder. This Professor is a PhD and he has extensive knowledge on biology specifically towards microbiology so of course his book is going to contain very persuasive and concrete details to his argument. But I am more amazed by the genius he uses to express his points. His writing is nearly flawless to allow someone with very little knowledge in microbiology to comprehend and go through the book. He doesn't appear pompous or dry. In fact I can't help but think of br when I read this. I've always thought that a true measure of genius is when someone can put a complex subject into an explanation anyone could understand. There have been many times where I was talking with br and he would tell me something that I would be at a loss to understand, he would be able to relate the topic to me so i could understand and then proceed with his previous tangent. Very simply and with no strife to try and relate it. I am amazed I tell ya! Now before everyone realizes I'm an idiot, let me just state why I am amazed at this ability of the author's and br's. I have always enjoyed br's writing when he has a chance to share some small tidbit of himself or his feelings. He is able to relate in very, very, short terms, a depth and emotion level that rivals most novels. His ability to express a pain so profound in only a couple of paragraphs is astounding. I cannot imagine that this talent could ever be learned. That is where I stand right now. I see the ability and I understand how it is done. But I do not feel capable of encapsulating emotions so pure and undaunted, that the ideas and concepts that need to be expressed, transcend culture and level of education. I am reminded of this talent every time I read a great author. I love to see a writer express an idea and even more so, when the expression is something that I could never have seen. To be able to show the most simple and common things in the light of the magnificence that they are, the beauty of a touch from the love of your life, the pure heartache of a parent whose child has a dream that cannot be met because of a problem in society, The sense of self when someone you like laughs at your jokes. So many feelings and thoughts that are so powerful and so true... And yet how can you ever hope to express them as strong as they are felt if your talent does not seem to foster that ability? I hope that talent can grow with practice. That is in and of itself the one truest reason I started this endeavor...

Oh Amy, Don't Hate Me.

2004-02-10T00:58:00.000-08:00

How could anyone not want Chris. He is so charismatic. An Extremely delicious mind with the body to rival many. If I were human I would have already asked him out. Amy must be a poor little mental case. Sorry Amy, sorry you are a little behind in the brain department. I wish I could have some kind of great wisdom to share with you, but alas we do not have this sort of problem in our race. All Elves grow from the joy spread throughout the consciousness of time. So there would never be a person created like you Amy. But I will say this, try to work out and enhance your physical features. Many Human males tend to not care about what a person has on the inside. So hopefully you will find one and be happy and content. Oh, I hope that my words were not too hard for you, you poor little mentally handicapped girl.

So Seriously Now I Ask You!

2004-02-09T18:30:00.000-08:00

So I am about done with my work for today and I was just noticing that Amy didn't log on and have a chit chat with me despite her assurance on Friday that she'd be on. Huh! If I hadn't already dumped her like a paranoid schizophrenic on acid, I would have sent her an email for sure today. Thanks Amy, Thanks for a load of nadda. Jerk!

How About This One...

2004-02-09T17:20:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, February 8 was my Dad's Birthday. yep some odd years ago he was born and so yesterday he was able to celebrate his 49th birthday. I have so much love for my Dad it is wonderful. We have had a shady life together while I was a teenager, but I am glad to say that that is in the past where it should be and we have been able in recent months, to cultivate a very close relationship. He has taught me so much and I have learned so many positive and negative things from him being my father. I only hope this explanation of love for him is sufficient: I love him not merely for the person he is but also for the person he isn't. My Dad has tried his hardest to let my siblings and I know he loves us. He has always been an emotional man and yet he feels as though he has never properly shown his emotions to us. But I have never had a time where I doubted my Dad's love for me. I know he has always loved me and I know that he has always wanted the best for me. My Dad is awesome, but at the same time he is human and so there were some things that weren't perfect growing up. But it has only made me a stronger person and the less than perfect things are still minute compared to many family's growing up. So Dad I know that you read this and I just wanted to say thanks, thanks for bringing me into the world and always being there for me. Even when I was acting stupid and trying to ignore you. I love you and I am glad that we have solidified our knowledge of each other's love. I cannot wait till I can bring my kids over so they can hang out with grandpa and you can feed them stuff that'll drive my wife insane. And then you can come up with nicknames that will stick with them for most of their life... Awesome. p.s. Wow you are so old! 49... almost half a century! geez my mind reels from the implications! Did you have running water when you were growing up? Just kidding Dad. Happy Birthday.

And On A Side Note:

2004-02-09T15:14:00.000-08:00

That FFF was inspired and thereby brought to you by br's- Tyler's Ball, and Bjork.

And Now For The Greatest FFF Ever Written On A Monday Afternoon!?!?!?!

2004-02-09T12:16:00.000-08:00

So before I begin let me just say this... br's little song to his son is so addictive I have been listening to it for ~~over an hour~~ two hours just letting the subtle nuances settle into my being... Maybe I have a problem? But here I go none the less with an assured to be *special* late Monday FFF: Love From Another: So bright so vivid, speckled with the grandeur of azure skies. I touch it, sense it, feel the presence of your love. Saturated in acceptance, and coated with originality, I sit and wonder. How can it be? Your love has traveled hundreds of miles and yet somehow The love is still poignant, still fresh and bitter sweet. I desire now to share my own love which has grown abundant within me. So here I now state in complete humility, I love you all for the love you have given me. Selfish, yes and I am sorry for that... But know this, I love you and will never stop. Even when your love ceases to find me I will never prevent My love from striving to reach you. So when you are come upon with a thought of me know this, My love is still producing itself of original content And it has found you despite the harrowing distance. A letter to Miss Perfect: Hello Miss, Now I have yet to find you but I wanted to send this to you early with hopes you may find this and trace it back to the creator of. Allow me to assuage your fears, yes, I am finally ready to try and meet you. I know that I have taken a while and your patience is very much appreciated and definitely one of the reasons I search for you now. I am presently looking and sensing as to where I might be able to find you. I thought I saw you one time on the corner but as it turns out, no, I was wrong. I have decided to put some of my characteristics in this letter so I might be able to attract you better. So without further ramblings allow me to divulge. My name is Chris Harbert, I am 23 years old and have more qualities going for me inside than I do outside. I like to experience my emotions and grow with what each attempt holds. I have been hurt only once before where my emotion of love and commitment is concerned. I like to act "childish more than "adultish" because I believe that something of great value is lost when you forget the mind of a child. I am capable of putting forth my opinion on many topics but dislike it. I dislike it because I don't think opinions and ramblings really help to express who someone is. It only shows what they can be persuaded to view. I also don't like to be viewed as a specific type of person because of what I view. Chances are very good that I won't feel the same way the next time the topic comes around. I think that the qualities you hold will be unique to what I need. I do not think I am your only match. I am a firm believer in the teachings of Jesus Christ and I know that he is my savior. I believe in Christ not because of what I want to gain through him, but because he has helped me to be the person I could never have been. I know that I am not the Christian you think I am. That in short is a representation of the person who is trying to find you. I am more than that obviously, but I hope you enjoyed the little you read. I guess to summarize my point I would say that I am a man who has seen and known a lot about what a relationship is. I would be honored to try and develop a relationship with you that we could eventually take into the deepest level of trust and understanding there is, marriage. Hope this finds you in good sorts and that it may cheer your day. ~Chris p.s. I am not ready for marriage and would not want it for a while yet. I mentioned marriage because it would be dishonest if I didn't state my ultimate intentions. Water Springing To Fight: Tempest shredding through turbulent passion Flaring bright beneath the madness. You will fail if you fight this valiant power. But you will surely die if you remain within its vile grasp. Break free and all will come to not. But if you endure, your powers that be shall surely rot. I give you no answer and seek only your victory. But as much help as I give now, it has surely killed me. Fortune untold is a devious device, Never will it be said that I prescribed to such malice. Goodbye you, little kid under the rumble. I hope for your sake this dream abruptly ends before that next breath. We've Been Given Superpowers!: So as briefly and inept as possible I wanted to share this. I believe that everyone has the ability whithin themselves to gain a superpower. Now this of course is a spiritual enhancement and so I'll leave off the whole ramifications of viewpoints for now. But here is my super power that I want to work on getting. I want the power of Reality! Stupid you may say? Well wait till I have my power of reality and you will see the light. Just imagine if everyone in this world could see exactly why things happen as they do. And they would be able to see all sides of any situation. They would know and understand why anyone would feel a certain way but at the same time see the perfect solution and inevitable purpose for it. Impossible you say? Well... Yeah maybe. But think of it like this; The perfect reason and unbiased perfect truth would be God's. So the answer of course is already there and many people try to follow the "right" way but are at a loss because of their perspective. Everything is changed by personal perspective and it is seemingly impossible to change someone's perspective regardless of the good it could cause. So my power would allow someone for a limited reason and time see why a certain thing happened and why the answer to something is exactly such. They would be able to see God's design and purpose for something outside of their own perspective. I tell yeah, it could change the world. I'm just saying.

Do You Know How Many Time Zones There Are In Russia The Soviet Union?

2004-02-05T16:03:00.000-08:00

11

Trying To Find Some Insight? That's Cool...

2004-02-05T15:55:00.000-08:00

So has anyone else had days like these? I sit back in awestruck, for lack of a better word. i cannot believe how possible it is for happiness to exist in squallor and yet boredom and malcontent to exist in extravagance. no actually i am not awestruck by it... i guess i was just trying to be.

Dreaming With Thematic Significance Since 1980...

2004-02-04T13:14:00.000-08:00

So i love dreams anyone else? Kerry over at The Safeword wrote about a realistic dream she had the other day and it got me into some thinking. Man i love dreaming. I've had some awesome dream sequences and i thought i'd share my probable most favorite dreams i can remember having: (no particular order)

One time i dreamt i was playing the old school Atari game Halloween. Except i was the character inside the video game trying to escape from Mike Myers. So i would run away from him and try to get by him as he jumped out at me from places ranging from my house to the super market. The fun part was that i had three lives and a couple of continues and i remember dying on certain parts of "levels" and having my vision haze out and turn bloody. Then i would get my vision back at the beginning of the stage where i died. And i would remember where Myers jumped out so i would dodge or jump correctly. I played this game for a few nights until i finally beat it.I even remember having credits go flashing by once i got home safe.
Once when i was 12 i had a dream sequence that was really bizarre and i wasn't able to actually figure out why they went together. Basically i was waking up and getting ready for school when some people came to my house and said that my family and i needed to leave to get to the theatre on time. So we were like "oh right thanks" and left. While in route my mom got hit by another car which sped off as it happened. My mom got really pissed (very uncharacteristic) and kicked us out of the car while she sped off after the bad driver. Well as i was leaving the car i noticed she got a huge gash on her leg from the accident. I remember being worried but not saying anything. Well as the story went on, (i can't remember more for some reason) all of my family left me or died off. i remember my sister and brother got caught in a building explosion with my Dad and Stepmom Jonna. Well i woke up scared and freaked out. I had that same dream again a few weeks later and woke up to the same problem. The following day or so i had the dream again and i remember waking up inside my dream. I was getting really pissed that i was watching the same thing happen to all of my family so went around and solved all of the disasters and ended up saving everyone's life and living happily ever after. It was pretty fun.
I had a dream one time where i was hanging out in my back yard at my Dad's house with my family. We were just watching some kind of air show that was going on when i noticed this helicopter that was flying funny. I remember watching it crash onto the ground right next to me and seeing the explosion, and feeling the heat and force of the blast knock my head back and then my head came crashing back down and i blacked out and went on to my next dream.
I have had more than a few dreams where i could fly, well sort of. I could hover and become lighter than air if i wanted to. I could only propel myself if i swam through the air. So i would get aerosol cans and fly around and have fun. i never flew outside only in buildings, and i remember vividly how awesome it felt to lose the restraints of gravity and hover when i wanted to.
I have had a few dreams of premonition and they have been some of my favorites. Some times they are very simple and basic, like a room in my house will get re-arranged and I'll remember a dream where i was somewhere like this and then suddenly I'll sit down in a certain spot and be like, "oh, yeah, this was it". One of my all time favorites was when i was on a summer vacation with Josh's family ,i was walking back with some firewood behind Josh's brother Steven and his son Sebastian. Well i suddenly remembered the exact moment from a dream i had and laughed because i remembered waking up after i had it originally confused. Josh and Steven look similar from behind and so i thought that Josh was Steven in the dream but i couldn't place who the little boy was walking next to him. Also when i originally had the dream, i had never met or seen pictures of Steven and Sebastian. Fun stuff. One that i had last week was a dream from originally in November. I had a dream where i was reading a book while Josh and Steven were playing Magic on the floor in the living room. I remember in the dream knowing that i was living there and that Josh and Steven were in the same boat. I also remember, as if i was thinking to myself in the dream, that the three of us were also living with Joy and Daniel. Well, last week i was reading Blue Like Jazz and i suddenly remembered some of the paragraph i was reading. I didn't understand why and so i looked up and saw Josh and Steven and then the room i was in a then it clicked. i dreamt it. The coolest part about this deja vu was that i remembered the entire page i read in my dream. (which raises a good point to Ian's topic he marked as number five when it is really six, maybe new ideas are actually moments where the mind draws information from the future. So we really are piggy backing ideas from other people and using them for ourselves. The ideas though keep getting taken by others and thereby becoming more recent in the new future as the stealing process occurs. So really Microsoft was my idea and Bill owes me a percentage. And I don't even want to talk about this guy. Yes, i know I'm full of it.)
This is more along the lines of concept than particular dreams, but i enjoy it when my mind is active and awake in a dream i am having. i absolutely love it when i can see how a dream is going and decide to change it or embellish a part i want to enjoy. i have done this many times in which i can't remember the exact details so i shall not try to disclose specifics.
I had a dream one time after watching Ghostbusters, that slimer was haunting my room. It scared the crap out of me. Well, not literally.
i had a dream that darth vader was fighting with me just like in the scene from return of the jedi. And he didn't say he was my father but he did chop off my hand. i was so young and it seemed so real that i woke up screaming my head off and my mom had to spend about a half hour comforting me and describing how i would never get my hand chopped off by a light saber.
there was a Mickey mouse cartoon where Donald, Mickey, and Goofy were all moving because they were evicted from their house. Well as they were moving Donald gets beat up by a plunger that wacks him a crap load because it was wound up in the fan. I had a dream after watching it one time that i was Donald and i was getting beat up by the plunger. Ever after i was always disturbed if that cartoon came on.

~and that is all of the dreams i can seem to remember. i also have some that are the suckiest and most harmful dreams i have ever had. But i don't think I'll share those... Please feel free to share any dreams you might have had.

Spilling Coffee makes my brain hurt...

2004-02-03T13:34:00.000-08:00

So I would like to make it a formal declaration to any who reads this here blog. Yesterday a very dear friend of mine whom i have had the pleasure of knowing since early high school... Well... Sorry this is very emotional for me. I guess before i tell you what happened i should first explain who he is. His name is Christopher Bevan and he lives in medford, Oregon or at least the city right next to it. He was in the band called TimeStoodStill but they recently changed their name to Hawthorne. He plays guitar and does lead vocals for the band. He is an amazing rock star with such talent and passion for Christ that it astounds me. Well... He has done a monumental thing and i just needed to share with everyone... HE HAS MADE A BLOG!!! so everyone please hit up his action because it is sure to be amazing with the talent he possesses. And since i know some friends are going to be bummed that i didn't do this kind of thing for them... Well... Sorry. i have felt bad that i haven't updated my links section. And for that matter my blog profile. i assure you it is in the works. But until then i thought i would do this for all of my good friends whose blogs i like to read and suggest to anyone who likes reading things posted by people on the internet called blogs: Amy Ian Marion Jenn Daniel Lydia You will not be disenchanted to the beauty of these blogs by reading them, i assure you. But please be careful and take this as a fair and early statement of warning. By reading these plus the other blogs i have in my links section, you will fall in love with everything Blog and try to create your own. Where as i totally support this decision, the after effects of such said action may cause copious amount of growth and development on the person's part. So i encourage you to read the amazing blogs my friends do. But realize you will be affected by their awesomeness and beauty.

And now for some of this... Oh YEAH!

2004-01-30T14:02:00.000-08:00

i would just like to welcome you all to another FFF. I've definitely been reading and experiencing some strengthening ideals... Love's Simple Request: My God your gift of Love has been revitalizing I thoroughly enjoyed Blue Like Jazz Thank you for the precious love and truth you delivered. Someday, hopefully soon... i will attempt to use the present you've given I cannot wait to enjoy the love of others and extend my own. I am sheltered now and of course you know my inner self. So i simply wish to thank you and ask for more. Formal Weather Pattern's A Changing: Serenity imbued with insightful impudence. Purpose? I try and ask myself... None. Forever this tempest which is my life flows And as i sit here in between storms wondering... Is the storm ahead a gentle washing of this new crop Or shall i once again be flooded and monsooned into Something altogether different, altogether new. Must i again try and survey my land which is my person? I rec'd some new tools recently, some shiny new utensils. I hope i get to use them. When FFF Goes Sour: So I have not been able to find a poem within myself which is sufficiently capable of expressing my feelings on how i have grown in the past week... So i have decided to break down on this FFF into simple yet poignant paragraphical analysis. For all to understand, let me merely say that i am the kind of person whom needs to write significant information down so that i can better understand the feelings which i harbor. Usually a poem works because it is descriptive enough to hide my feelings from others but deep enough to remind myself of necessary progress i made. Well... That won't work this time so i will write my thoughts here like this and hope that i can get it onto paper without much trial. So read on at your own discretion. I have had a motivating notion as of late to drop my guard on most variants and try to be completely honest with myself and with others. Ever since i lost my most significant relationship i have had a very introverted mindset. Partly due to separation and loss of the person i loved. Also i felt unworthy of any kind of friendship or love since the one person i was closest to decided to leave my side and left in a very destructive way. So mildly put, i was very scared of new interactions with people because i felt unimportant to involve myself with them. I guess I had no value in myself or the feelings i could express on any given subject. So I rarely made friends for the first three years after i lost my wife. Well, ever since Amy was so kind as to invite me to Joy and Daniel's one fateful Friday, God has been pounding out dents in my heart nicely. Through times spent with God at their cell group meetings, i have been able to heal and reinvent a lot of my prior personage before my heartache. So keeping that in mind and moving forward to after Daniel and Joy left for Washington, I was in a weird transitional phase. I was mended and truly whole but i could not overcome the years worth of awkwardness i built up towards most of my family and friends. I guess i just didn't know how to relate to them i was better through words... i made a point of being myself to them in hopes that my actions would describe the healing i had received. I hope it worked. But regardless, i was in a state of limbo where i limited my outward growth because i was just waiting until i could get up here to Washington. It was a big mistake and i wish i hadn't, but i couldn't grow past my history which was littered throughout Southern California. I felt too weak to break my shackles but at the same time felt like a move would enable me to free myself. Well so far... It appears to have been a complete success. Which leads me to topics i have considered since moving up here. One of great importance is truth and honesty. I have been making a conscious effort to free my limitations on myself and just be myself. I cannot find a better explanation other than maybe this... For everyone i considered myself close to think and try to remember how i would act when i was around you and everything was clicking. We would have fun and I was comfortable hanging out and didn't feel distant and/or anxious. Well please believe me when i say it was always my inward limitations that made things uncomfortable. If you never felt it, awesome, and if you did i am very sorry. But good news, because I have given up on worrying what other people might think of my inner self and I can only say that thanks to all of you wonderful friends! Your love and friendship didn't go to waste and I truly hope to be able to one day recompense all of you for your wonderful giving and awesomeness. Through the book Josh let me borrow, Blue Like Jazz, I have been able to understand a concept to loving other people. I have been able to realize that i cannot love someone else truly again unless i gave in to them loving me. I haven't felt worthy of receiving love and friendship for so long! Don't get me wrong, i really coveted it and desired the positive attention but deep down I felt unworthy of it and so I never really took love I received at face value. I always thought that if my friends and family members could really see who i was well, then they would try to take back their friendship and love. But luckily through some interactions this past week, perfectly orchestrated i might add, I have finally had this truth hit me like a Sumo wrestler eating cheescake. And the events you might ask? Allow me to divulge: 1. I wrote a blog in which in my mind i asked out two people i liked at different times while i was living in S.C. 2. I was found out about by one of the persons, Melissa, because it turns out that she reads this blog. 3. I had wonderful talks with some of my closest friends and they all essentially were kind enough to say i was odd and they thought that i did a very neat thing in being open in my blogging. 4. Melissa wrote some awesome comments in my later posts displaying that even though the opportunity should have been presented sooner, she didn't think i was a freak that should leave her alone. Whoa... 5. I read Blue Like Jazz and thereby cultivated an epiphany. 6. I am writing this post and am coming to realize just how wonderful my friends and family are and especially how accepting they are. I had the very serendipitous moment to have my ego elated by a blog post. As I'm sure you all realized, a woman i liked and pseudo asked out, (did it in my post with a fake answer) actually read my blog and gave positive feedback despite an awkward situation. This showed her personality to be something of lasting uniqueness and even more amazing, she continued to post comments and show her comfortableness with my blurb. Well this positive reinforcement to a topic i am extremely insecure with, my attractiveness, really helped me to realize the need to get out of my shell. The purest way to express my feelings would be thus; Knowing that someone i liked, was at the very least not scared by my approach, especially when done in a very odd accidental manner, helped me to realize that i am not the lame, pathetic, and ugly loser I tricked myself into believing existed. I can never truly explain the gratitude i felt by this... It was probably one of the best and most humbling experiences i have had in my life. Man... I sound way to emo on that... uh... football, punk rock, baseball... Other jock type things... Yeah. &Nbsp That is what leads me into my last comment though, (yes i am almost done) I think i have gotten a glimpse at the virtue of honesty. I want to spend a large portion of my time this year in pursuit of it. I have begun to finally understand how uplifting it is to be accepted by others based on who i really am and not by what they think i could be. Whether it be by miscommunication or my slanting of truths, (rarely i do that, honest) I just feel that if i can focus on being true with myself and God like i have been this past week... Well i could finally not worry about being rejected by anyone because at least i know i could not have done anything to make them like me. For i would always be merely myself. HERE IS TO HOPING. YEAH?

My Cat Is Not GAY!! He's Metrosexual... Sometimes

2004-01-29T18:14:00.000-08:00

In my modest and slightly biased opinion, my cat Gimli, is the greatest cat in the history of great cats. When taken into account that he is by far the most awesome cat for his style well... It's easy to see the statement previously made is obvious. But in case you won't believe me, allow me to explain his greatness: Truths Which Make My Cat The Frickin' Best:

First off, Gimli is extremely fat
Secondly, he is a vegetarian (he wanted to eat his dry cat food than the nice steak on the counter next to him.)
Next please consider his attempts at being ferocious despite his total lack of manliness
Then there is the fact that when he was at the England's house, Josh's cat Peter used to make Gimli his bitch
Next you have the fact that he is faux ferocious when put in a box
Then what about his tendency to be completely lazy and sleep all the time.
Add his tendency to weetle on unsuspecting blankets.

~ And with that you just have to state that he is such a rad cat. Not too mention many stories i have about him acting so lame. or about how he meows like a little girl kitty and cannot purr. Oh yeah... My cat is awesome.

Lovely, just Lovely...

2004-01-29T17:42:00.000-08:00

So I had a wonderful time today in between the two posts I made for this website. I was just having fun with Daniel, Josh, and Joy by doing some winter cleaning to the house we have yet to receive. Oh man it was a blast as we joked around and worked our keesters to the grindstone... or something like that. I cannot wait to move in which should be tomorrow or Monday at the latest. (note to readers... Don't slam your hand into a metal fire place cover while trying to clean soot off of the hearth. It will only hurt really bad and slightly cut as well as bruise your finger making it annoying to type and remove shelf lining paper stuff.)

Hmmm... Maybe I found something slightly wrong with this place.

2004-01-29T08:39:00.000-08:00

So here I am in Starbucks and I notice some state patrol guys come in. Nice enough guys, they look my way and nod curtly. But here's the thing that gets me, why have they been sitting at their table for two hours now? Don't they have to oh I don't know, protect and serve? I guess I shouldn't complain because at this rate it means I should never get caught speeding on the freeway. but then when I went to Pike's place on Tuesday, and there was this cop in a turd brown uniform that gave Steve a hard time. Steve was taking a picture of this guy while we were asking for directions to a naval surplus shop, which by the by I picked up an awesome peatcoat, and officer turd said as Steve was taking the picture, "I don't want you to do that! Wish you would ask first." why? It's a picture? He was in his official capacity? Isn't he a public servant while working? Eh... The funniest part of it was that he reminded me of the guy who played in seinfeld as elaine's boyfriend. He also had a short stint as The Tick on a live action TV show that aired for a short while on fox.

So Everyone Can Wonder

2004-01-28T16:30:00.000-08:00

So I realize that I am way too sarcastic about myself to express sincerity without it relating to confusion. For most people I don't care too much about that to be honest. But since getting the stark realization that more people than expected view this site, I thought it would be best to include an about me post. So here I go: My name is Christopher Aaron Harbert I play the bass guitar and have been since 1998. I started because Josh plays the guitar but continued and became serious because it is a beautiful tool for me to express myself. I prefer to listen to people, than talk about myself. I only appear narcissistic, but am really quite ambivalent to myself in most areas. I like to write posts without proof reading. Also comments rarely receive a proof reading. (I have been changed of this habit however through many friendly comments. My comments are still unedited though.) I have 3 passions in my life. God, Music, and Literature. I am extremely heterosexual and would not even consider myself actually Metrosexual. (but I love to act like a homosexual for the pure fun of response from others.) I love to use words based on vague definitions and not the normal meanings. i.e. I basically like to utilize language in abnormal means. I do not have a favorite musician or band. I have many favorites. My favorite writers are classical; Dickens, Shakespeare, Sir Walter Scott, Tolkein, Lewis,Faulkner, Poe, and others I cannot remember presently.(I wish I knew more) I have to finish all books I read despite my liking of the books. Even series if they are self contained. (I have hated this quirk many times. For example, Dragonlance Sucks!!) I have had a pretty sheltered life in my opinion. I consider myself an extremely nice person, but I ruin it most times with my sarcasm. (my post on 1/08/04 is really great to explain if anyone missed it and cares) I want to receive as much positive attention as possible. I hate that I am this way. I fake stupidity more times than actually missing the point. I have some of the most amazing friends in the world. And most times I feel inadequate to be their friends. I am more comfortable in my room alone than with my friends. The failure of comfort is myself and not my friends. I expound too much information when I am making comments about topics I find important. I do it typically because I forgot my initial point and am trying to find my answer in a roundabout way. I love writing this blog and hope that my progress in developing writing talent shows for all unlucky people who care to read this. I hope many people turn away before this point on this post due to length. It could then mean that I am far from done in writing talent. I am very open to change through advice from friends and family members... But I usually have to deem it necessary. I want a girlfriend. I want to be able to have a girlfriend where both definitions of the word applies. I love change but hate it when I do not change for the better. My move to Seattle is more spiritually, than physically inspired. If I were less egocentric I would probably not write this blog. One of my favorite things about my life is my family. I wish I were a little bit taller. (I wish I were a baller. I wish I had a girl who looked good I would call her...) I am honest enough with myself to know I am a nerd who likes too many lame things for the sheer pleasure of enjoyment. I am not honest enough with people I care about. I am through this time around with introducing myself. ~ And that was in hopes to assuage some people's fears about myself. Come on now Dad and Mom.... You know you were slightly worried.

oh don't worry about the monkey, he's not gonna bite.

2004-01-27T13:09:00.000-08:00

So being tired and having to work are not the greatest of combinations.... Agree? Good, now moving on: I received the special opportunity to view Seattle skyline at 4:30 or so in the morning. It was breath taking and the air outside D-dog's coffee shop was so crisp and revitalizingly pure. I want to definitely tap into this more than once a week if possible... So... to backtrack to last night: we got a lot of painting done yesterday, or I should say joy, Daniel, Steven, and Josh did. I was in starbucks working, much like I am now. The house is wonderful and exactly what I could have hoped for. I am very ecstatic to what the future will bring. Oh yeah... Rock on. and more so, Josh, Steven, and I were able to have a very deep conversation last night. It was amazing and I am grateful for the opportunity of us three to share our hearts with one another. so huh... Anyone catch something rather funny that happened with yesterday's post? All I can say is *bashfully* whoops sorry. I am still sort of skeptical that Melissa in fact read the post and wrote the comment. It sounds like a mean joke Amy might play on me... hmmm... Maybe this is just some elaborate joke perpetrated by Amy and Jenn to try and get me to go back down to California a.k.a lamesville, stupidtown, landoflameness. Eh... Either way it was a very unique prank, or humbling truth. I liked it!

DUDE!! BR I LOVE YOU!!!

2004-01-27T06:15:00.000-08:00

you are the coolest funk daddy ever man!!! br is amazing and all should bow down to his awesomeness. br is so hot and sexy, if not for his being happily married... well... br is awesome!

Sometimes i can think to recite words that i read and rewrite?

2004-01-26T16:20:00.000-08:00

So here is my attempt at emotions: I sincerely miss most of everyone i left in lamesville and the profound lack of physical contact with my friends has already taken hold. Don't get me wrong though, as i am far from feeling sad... it's just that there is a level of sobriety that i cannot free myself from. I am most assuredly still acting like a goofball/loser because let's face it, unless i'm sad i am gonna act like a fool. things i am forever grateful for: - getting to spend time with everyone i care about minus Josh Izay before i left - being able to work right now at Starbucks and look frickin' l337 cause of my sweet action - hanging out with Daniel, Joy, Josh, and Stephen for the past few days non-stop - being able to finish my hecka sweet bass with my Dad - accurately and truly exspressing my love for my Dad and stepmom Jonna which i hadn't been able to do for years - driving past skamania - being in constant cold weather 50's-30's at night. HECK YEAH IT'S AWESOME! yeah but on a rant side: i cannot believe what a change in location has done for my persona. i have never felt so free from conditioning or separate from prior labels. it is so amazing and liberating that i feel sad that i never accomplished this in glendora. for example, had i been this free, i would have asked at least two women on dates. what happened instead you ask? i never got to freaking know them because of fear based in rejection and stupidity!!! ugh! (yep, i am still pretty emo*sigh*) so i guess i will ask them out right now on this blog and pretend that i asked them in person... besides they will never read or care who i was so why not right? ok then... Person#1: Chris: Hey Gwen how was your winter break? Gwen: Oh pretty good, how about you... Chris right? Chris: oh really good thanks. nice to spend time away from school... So Gwen, i was wondering if you'd like to go get some boba some time? Gwen: why not? that would be lots of fun. how about today after class? Person#2: Chris: hey melissa how goes it? Melissa: oh pretty good chris, how are you on this nice and sunny day in Southern California? Chris: well... i could be better to tell you the truth. Melissa:really? why's that? Chris: well Melissa, i know we really haven't talked that much but it has to do with one simple problem. You see i find you irresistably attractive and cannot take my eyes away from your face when i am in the same room as you. Sure it makes talking to you easy but well... i can't stop feeling like a predator when i stare at you. So... i was wondering if you would like to get to know each other over some pad thai or something maybe next friday?

Melissa: well Chris... to be honest you are not really my type. So maybe you should just be friends with my other roomates and we will forget you ever said this. ok freak?

Chris: uhh... ok, good call i guess? ~ and that is how i feel each one would have worked out. even though i got rejected, i would have rather gotten it in reality than my perceived notions and for that i am stupid. So uhh... hey ladies if you ever read this blog and move to Seattle area uh... wanna go out for a drink maybe? and on a side note of greater importance: i am very close to finishing my blog templates for the new site and am very pleased with them. so prepare to be consumed with major quantities of ambivalence towards the beauty of my talent. and to post script like a mad gorrila on laxative: Laura how come you didn't ask me to join your precious blog circle? you asked the other friends with whom i am linked. Am i not good enough? cause that's fine i guess... probably... sorta... actually i don't think i am fine with it. come on i want to say no thanks but thanks for appreciating my writing. come on i need an ego boost. please Laura? i will write for you if you ask... that's all i'm saying... Please!?!?!

I live yet again... well sorta?

2004-01-23T14:48:00.000-08:00

Love For The Lost Thoughts: Dreams come and remembrances fade, But what i desire most of all is the subject to change. Forever wanting to move on to newer things, Yet always forgetting the love of the things i crave. Maybe in a new setting my eagerness will produce fruit? A nice shiny apple or piece of Dwarven Anjou Peach? Wanting to thank all those who have tried, Forgetting most of those who have died. One day soon i will find all my lost memories and feelings and bundle them close. Then maybe i will find the answer to purposeful advance. The lingering question right now though... How do i involve everyone i love and know in this present course of motionless flow? Reality You Palpitating Jerk!: So fickle so fast, Reality you shake like some tremendous dance. Your repetitious flaunts and jerkish remunerations leave me a little less than wanting and moreso craving. I need your vision, i need your ears. Teach me, trust me, show me your ways. For Reality, you have so many answers for my traits. And that is merely selfishness which directs those desires. I know that if you would show me your product of perception I would be able to combine what i have learned from Substance. Please trust me Reality, my life will not be complete without your tools. How's that? what? maybe i misunderstood you... You say i have your application but am unwilling to use it? But i love your insight how could i not want the same? oh... i see... so that's why you have left me be. Well Reality, thank you for your insight. You're correct, i am not ready yet... hopefully on our next meeting i will have become prepared. Until then i will try and seek Truth which has decided to bury deep inside me. I will as you have proven, try and ask him to step into the light of yourself and thereby exist alone. Friendship is a commodity rarely bartered: Hey there Bob could you spare a sec? Um... yeah sure Carl, no prob what's up? well, it's quite simple you see. i have heard how great of a person you can be and so i was wondering if i could get some of your friendship? oh... ok, but it'll cost ya. oh yeah no problem i am willing to trade. great great... um... how's your love today? oh well... it's rather battered but i can trade it cheap? nah that's ok, i was looking for some new love... well... um... How about some humor, oh man i have some of the best! oh really? let me see it. oh well... i have a friend borrowing it right now. but i can get it for you tomorrow! yeah... uh... nah. what about some perspective? got any on life? Oh yeah! i have some of the best. i got it off a guy in indonesia. truly amazing stuff. Ok awesome, how about an even trade on friendship for life perspective? Um... yeah i guess i can do that. Marcy told me your friendship is pretty great. Oh yeah, you'll be more than pleased. Great, thanks bob! No thank you Carl. ~Now wouldn't that be rather interesting? Well... it is a long awaited FFF and definitely not the greatest. but i will try to make up for it. thanks for posting during my absence. it really made me cheery.

My Love Of Wonder And Merriment

2004-01-18T19:02:00.000-08:00

hello all and welcome to a precursor to my FFF. yeah i know i am running a little too late but i am trying to grip my emotions and be able to write effectively. please hold your socks and prepare to wait while i sit in my room and pretend to pack. sorry... i am very lame.

Isn't This Just The Cutest Thing Ever!

2004-01-11T20:00:00.000-08:00

My name is Aelschwen Vanvariel and I am from Cameraria in the forests of Austria. I am so happy to be able to share my thoughts and experiences with you on this site. I have plenty of adorable stories of triumph and love, so I hope that I may be able to contribute a more feminine side to this site. Thank you Chris for allowing me to post my experiences in here. Allow me to explain some more about my past. Cameraria is an Elven settlement in the forest of Bundesamt. It is a modest town without much wealth but I really enjoy living there. I am the town's librarian and cultivator of our precious secrets. We are one of many Elvish townsteads surviving in a world populated mainly by humans. Our race unfortunately has taken measures to never involve or interact with human culture unless it be for educational purposes. So in accordance with Elven guidelines, my purposes for engaging on this weblog is to educate you on old customs long forgotten by man. And thereby also show you ways we Elves have learned to embrace this planet and enable healing. That is the entirety of this post. I only wanted to introduce myself and hope that whomever reads this will respond favorably so I might keep this position as one of the writers on this blog. Hopefully on my next post I will talk more in depth with my topics I have. I am thinking of explaining how to properly apply mascara when you have just returned from a snow storm. See you all later cuties.

We Knew You'd Be Back For More...

2004-01-09T18:10:00.000-08:00

But I have yet to figure out if that is a good thing. But regardless I would like to welcome all of you to another rendition of FFF. With a couple special items in this particular post. Thanks to br with his poetic inspiration I will write a poem regarding Flatuence, and dinner. Also as a very special treat here is a story from faithfulraven she recently wrote: I was pondering the meaning of life while slinking around Macy's. My mother was on the far end of the store and I started checking out the clearance racks (I hate expensive clothes). The song "knocking on heavens door" came on over the buzz of the speakers. and to my amazement, slowly, my eyes began to fade to black!...then changed quickly to white. i leaned on a shelf and started breathing heavily. A whimper escaped me as i felt a warmth take over every part of my body. My fingers tingled and even my hair seemed to have some kind of wonderful sensation. the music seemed to grow louder in my head. and i could see visions in my head of a grassy hill with an apple tree. a handsome person was sitting under the amazing tree reading a book. they waved me over and i felt my body want to move towards them. i hesitated then took a step backward. "this is not right" i told myself over and over. "this is definitely not right". i could feel the fabric of the clothes under my hands as i reached blindly at the shelf. Careful not to cause a scene, i smiled and tried to act normally. That's all i could do. For the life of me i cant remember if i laughed or not, but it's possible. i could not believe the situation. At the fancy shmancy clothing store a blind girl grabbing at shelves for support and laughing at absolutely nothing. i cut my breath short and felt my legs want to give out. i fought it. i fought it with all my might to not fall. i made it the only thing on my mind. the only thing i wanted in life at that exact moment was NOT TO FALL. would i have fallen to my death? who knows? instead, i said (rather loudly...much to my chagrin -sigh-) ... "oh, this is ridiculous!". it took a few seconds before i stood tall and exhaled. my eyes cleared and i looked around me to see a sight even more beautiful than the sights i have seen over the past few days. A smile. Who was this frumpy girl that smiled at me? she looked so familiar and yet. she had this GLOW. A glow that i have never seen before. I took a while to realize that in fact, i was standing just five feet away from a mirror. Smiling at my own reflection. what an idiot i must have looked like. but i learned something from this. I know now that i can survive. and if i ever doubt myself again i will have to go back to that mirror and look myself in the eye and smile. It doesnt even have to be a real smile. FAKE IT! "fake it till you make it" thats what peggy always used to say. and she's right. she's always right. ~FaithfulRaven I was amazed at that story so I just had to get permission to share it. And now I shall come up with some flagrant attempts to intrigue myself and the masses: Magical It Is... But You're Not?: rasping coughs fill this parlor tonight, why oh why was the veal served with some fresh broccoli? perfection would dictate that interests shall vary but I cannot recall a time where someone could ever say I feel like flatulence today! the lords and ladies are all gasping from fright due to the immense stench which clogs their bleary sight. uncle arty why is your joke always to party hardy? farting and farting lame as can be. You idiot, you Neanderthalish tuft of putrid assonance ascribed to bums hidden in new Finland. will we ever be rid of you're ridiculous stench? the colors of disaster, and the perspective of disgust is all around us now. why look even mother has on her most serious frown. you have pulled a blunder and now no one will enjoy their desert. and I worked so hard to prepare some coquettish pastries. I hope you get butt cancer and die! (I must confess that the last line i stole from The Mighty Jimbo. it is an amazing blog site indeed.) Perception Vs. Reality: One is better than the other but less than ideal. For one is superfluos despite the condition. While the other is essential needless of position. So with that in mind let this monumentous battle ensue. Perception is the enforcer with which Reality must contend. And without a doubt a significant party to ever need to fight. For size and power it has in abundence. All in my school can see Perception is the obvious victor. It shall be able to rule this planet once it wins, Which allows us to see the importance of this insurgence. Now Reality is not very significant it would seem, For it is rough and bland, not as seeming perfect as Perspective. But Reality is in all things true which, all in all is significant too. Despair is given when viewing this battle, for at our able glance, Reality is doomed it would seem, for the blacktop appears to be shrowded in gloom. How can hope prevail in Reality with Perspective's display of overwhleming doom. For all who may despise battle please hear me now, This paragraph commencing is the culmination of this tale. Many a blow will i now here impart, only in recounting mind you, But surely the mere mention is enough to ensue hate for war. Perception arrives first on the blacktop behind my school. And it's display of power and might has an awespicous oooohhh. Reality arrives in it's humble yet significant way, but few care to notice, For Perception the sure victor, deserves our support. And so Perception sizes up it's foe and prepares it's might. While Reality merely stands focused and ready despite, Despite it's insignificant size and weak demeanor. Why am i seemingly the only one to realize the end of this tale? For Reality has never lied and obviously it knows what we may not. So obviously it will win over Perception's shot. Perception swings and all hold their breath, But Reality was still standing and much to everyone's amusement, He had a grin on his face and began to focus his strength. And Perception faltered and faded away. ~And that would do it for this rendition of FFF. Thanks for reading and please feel free to come up with an idea for me to write on next week.

I Hate All People Who Use The Word Fierce!

2004-01-08T18:53:00.000-08:00

First I would like to take the opportunity to talk about Tuesday. Did anyone realize that Tuesday was deemed Epiphany day? I have yet to care exactly why, except that it has some religious precedent, but the irony of Tuesday was this... My mind was really running smooth and I did have many epiphanies. Most of which I won't share yet but some I would really like to blog about soon. Especially the realization I had about mine and Joshua's humor. So I thought I would use my blog time today to bring up a subject I receive endless mirth from. Yes as many cannot see from my title, I am gonna write about the precepts of my humor. *Josh feel free to add or take away whatever you deem necessary. I will try to bungle through it but I forgot some of my realization, this being a few days after that I had it now: So one of the first ideas I would like to express is that I am a very sarcastic person by nature. I like sarcasm and most times the people I care most about are the very same ones I joke with the most relentlessly. It's just how I am most comfortable sharing my love with them. So that being said if I do joke around with you, it means that I am very much your friend and feel comfortable talking with you. With that in mind realize that whenever I say something mean or unusual to you, it means I am throwing out sarcasm. If you hold onto the main precept that I care for you and do not want to hurt your feelings really, you should be fine. Also realize that when I am doing my sarcasm I find it most fun to use concepts and ideas that you should know about me, or at least I would hope you did. For example I might say, "Wow you like to play video games? That is the most retarded thing you have ever said before. I can't believe you haven't grown up yet.", JOKE. Now with that in mind realize that I use varying levels of obviousness depending on the topic. For example, if the person I said that to was one of my very good friends it would probably be more subtle like, "Huh, wow I haven't played any video games in a long time. Yeah probably not since junior high."JOKE. So keep this first part in mind please while I discuss the rest. I think this next part throws people the most. See I like to use humor on a subject that in and of itself is not funny. I am unable to really phrase this right but basically, I say some lame crap that is funny because it was said. The actual meaning and purpose of the statement is insignificant. Let's say a friend of mine says, " Anyone want something to drink?" I might say something like, "Not really, unless it's diet." I defy anyone to actually derive humor from that statement by merely analyzing the words I said in response to the question. The humor that Josh and I receive from it is the absurdity of the response. Why should I care about what the calorie content is over what kind of flavor the drinks are. Also, why would I worry about calorie content over what kind of beverage it might be. Normally I would wonder if it was soda, juice, or coffee. Get it? Josh and I have the same sense of humor as I have stated previously. We are very similar on our reasoning's and thoughts of humor which is lots of fun but most emphatically it's hilarious, at least for me, to see the reactions people take when the same joke is used by each of us. Most of the time, whenever I say some kind of corny joke or use some sarcasm, the person I say it to will take me completely literal. Where as Josh will deliver the same joke sometimes to the same person, on another day and they just think he is joking. Now realize the delivery and mannerisms are almost exact in our delivery of the joke. Also lots of times I am using the same joke after Josh used it, sometimes right after.I find it hilarious. Also something I find hilarious is the repercussions of our jokes. Because of the responses given on our jokes I am almost always taken serious when I have something truthful to say. Which is great and I am very glad my friends take me seriously, but Josh on the other hand is almost never taken seriously when he truly wants to do something. It is unbelievably funny because I know that Josh is being serious but no one will believe him unless he pushes it really hard. That of course bugs him because he hates to have to be redundant and so this topic is probably one of the most sore subjects for him. HAHAHAHA *Sorry Josh, mental picture of you being frustrated because someone wouldn't believe you... HAHAHA That is about all I can remember regarding this topic. There is a lot more I think but I can't put my finger on it and I would probably end up repeating myself a lot. Well I hope this has been a helpful lesson for you. Any questions or comments you know where to leave them... In your head.

Check Out Junior

2004-01-07T18:00:00.000-08:00

He is so lovely and sweet. i cannot wait to play him like the beautiful instrument he is:
This is my Dad starting to stain junior: And here is it after stain and 2 clear coats:
can you imagine what it will look like when we have 20 more coats or so on there? i can...

Maybe If I Pound My Head With This Hammer Here... (feel free to ommit omit this if you don't really care too much about me, it's long)

2004-01-05T17:19:00.000-08:00

I do not know how I can properly express the gloom and doom I have gotten into... My head is telling me to scream into everyone's face... Leave Me ALONE!! But on a happier note my heart is rather content and simply putting up with my mood. I really and truly hate some aspects of my job increasingly more now as the days progress and I cannot remember if I put up with it before or if it is just now reaching a crescendo of fatal shock. Everyday I spend here brings me one step closer to Seattle... that's a nice thought Brain. Thanks for trying to cheer me up. Oh you're more than welcome Chris... But as I was saying, I have no more tolerance for someone at my office and I hate myself for that. I truly like this person and have fun whenever I talk with them or hang out with them outside of work, but right now while I go to work and sit at my desk listening to their "shop" talk and feelings of office type crap... Get a hold of yourself Brain you are starting to convulse and it gives me a headache. Sorry Chris I'll try to keep it under control... So simply put I yell out this hoping for no answers because I will only get worse, but simply needing to get this out of my thoughts and onto a medium of uselessness. WHY OH WHY, DO SOME PEOPLE NEED TO FEEL SUPERIOR IN THEIR LIVES? And that is not simply some times or once in a while. Because I wish that sometimes I was more l337 on a given subject and could be of superior talent or quality. I try to hide that fact and fake obsequiousness, but deep down sometimes I really try to seem cooler than I am because I feel so inadequate some days to be considered talented... Uh Brain, maybe that was a little too honest. Chris not now please! I am just relaying something most people already know about us. I JUST SIMPLY MEAN, WHY OH FREAKING WHY, DO PEOPLE NEED TO EXUDE A LEVEL OF SUPERIORITY AND PRESTIGE WHEN THE PEOPLE BEING EXUDED UPON COULDN'T CARE LESS AND THEY CAN COMPLETELY ACHIEVE THE SAME GOALS GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY, OR BETTER YET, THEY ACTUALLY TRAINED THE PERSON EXUDING THE SUPERIORITY COMPLEX. I mean WTF!!!!

Well Brain take into perspective that you are watching another person take over a job that was done rather well before hand. It was an unexpected change by all involved so it's no one person's fault that the transition wasn't flawless, there was no way it could have been done better. And besides, you cannot evaluate how someone deals with a situation based on another in the same situation. Everyone is different.

chris... Weren't you paying attention to my statement just a little while ago? I don't want help on developing a healthy perspective. Because of course I know everything you do, and of course I see every point you make. But your perspective you've stated is peripheral at best. I am not condemning the person because they are not as capable as the previous person. You know that truth be told the previous person was excellent in some parts and not good in others. No one is perfect, I am merely upset with the new person's superior attitude. And it's not because they are being a jock or anything it's just that their attitude is so flippantly arrogant and they do not even realize the change which develops in them. And I am not just upset because how he treats co-workers, it's far more than that simple concept. THEY ARE DEEMED AS AMAZING AND A PERFECT EMPLOYEE IN THIS POSITION! HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THIS PERSON WHO CANNOT TIE HIS SHOES WITHOUT ADVICE, CAN POSSIBLY BE CONSIDERED AS PERFECT WHEN ALL HE DOES IS ACT OUT WHATEVER THEIR PEERS OR SUPERIORS TELL THEM TO DO. IT'S A LEVEL OF PUPPETRY THAT TRANSCENDS NORMAL CONCEPTS!

I think that you are upset inwardly because you wish this opportunity had been yours. We do both know that if the previous person to hold the job, had stepped down in time like he wanted, he would have suggested the job for you. You know that every time you see this person ask for help or forget how to deal with common situations, it burns you up because the help they readily get is special and overlooked because of who they are. And instead of the puppetry being seen as weakness, it is viewed as amazing talent to seek help on "tough" circumstances. We both know it's crap but this has never been a fair platform to work at. You need to remember what we first realized when we started. This job is great but there are areas where hardworking and dedication will not get you. You cannot overlook that because you start to fester like this and it's unhealthy. Because this IS viewed as weakness and inefficiency. Remember to forget the pointless and keep your eyes on what matters most. Besides you have worked harder than usual to go back to school and restart your life. That is way more important than some dead end job. Remember that yeah?

yeah... you're right chris. i just hadn't realized until now how truly fake we are at work. why can't we just relax. there are a special few who we are normal with but what about everyone? why can't we be oursleves? is it because we have some weird pseudo work ethic that inhibits us? cause i don't think that is true. but i really am not sure. well at least now you have helped me to realize if it has always been a point of contention between us which we just gave up on to not fight it but become the system. ugh now i sound like some kind of rebel. what are we to do chris?

 Well first off, i think we should end this blog because it is getting pretty personal and long. maybe we should just fade out during work until we can leave later this month. i mean we are so close! we need this job to be able to move easily, remember that. just deal with this yeah?

Of course you're right. thanks for the talk. i'm sorry that we had to involve anyone who reads this... i just really needed to rant and try to talk with us. thanks chris. i'll end it now. right after spell check that is. Mr. Josh ;)

 heh, yeah good one Brain. Thanks for this talk also it has helped me to break through this feeling we were having. stupid Heart, it said everything was fine... oh well.

Yeah well, Heart is pretty stupid and naive yet... Well anyways folks that's my rant thanks for letting me accomplish it. you can feel free to skip this or better yet i'll put a notice on the header. May the peace and hope of everlasting freedom in God surround you all. goodnight.

January... it's like December only different

2004-01-02T18:41:00.000-08:00

Welcome one and all to the first free form friday of the year 2004! i would just like to say that i have come up with a small idea to maybe have some fun. if there is a topic you would like to see me blurb a poem about, please feel free to e-mail me or post a comment under this post. i will then write about it in my own perspective next week. seems like it could be fun yeah? The Times Pain Didn't Leave: i wanted to see you last night. you agreed, but only if my Heart was left in the car. i remember standing holding your hand under our special star. it was like old times and i tried as hard, to get into your sight. because it wasn't your hand or your body that i really tried to feel. you left and Pain has not decided to. why is it that you wish for me to fall through to the moment of peace. if i lose Pain i'll have nothing left! you could give me some of your eyes, recognize me, notice me... but no i comprehend your reasoning, i wouldn't lose Pain it would only hide. hide under the power of my memories and slumber in between our visits. so i would really only be left with the intangibles, is that why? for other than Pain i would assume it was a dream. but i haven't woken and have learned to trust in my waking nightmare. this torture won't last will it? not if you come back to me. oh... right. my torture has been created because i lack the desire. i haven't given up on my hope for you and that has only allowed Pain to awaken even when it should sleep. now i can see, why Pain unrested is a pain indeed. how can i cause this torment to cease? give in to Pain until it finds my release? i have Pain here, will you abate it and coo it into slumber? no... i see. The Time I Learned To Release: Pain i have finally found you. get out of my Heart it no longer wants to share its room. it knows your just a canker ruining it's chance at peace. i have outgrown you Pain, you are no longer able to tear into my Heart. you have shrunken through lack of visits with her and i respect that. so i will no longer feed you by continuos misery. BE GONE! what a pitiful sight you could be this night. if it weren't for the fact that you are faking your neccesity. Misery has told me that it no longer welcomes you. So BE GONE i have afterall, overcome you Pain. my new resident has taken a placing, and Hope is much better than what your professing. so i turn my eyes from your ~~generaly~~ general direction. and hear Pain disolve into whitty conjecture. HA i have won. Hope is mine and my Heart welcomes it. Pain is never to return, well at least not the guise of its previous choosing. i will now be diligent and guard my Heart for Hope has friends, none of which is Pain. but Pain may seek to try and pretend to be a positive design. at which time i will expel it from my body you see, for i have overcome Pain. not it over me. What's The Purpose In That: you crazy little dancing queen. why do you want to go to a place like that. no one will see the beauty of your laugh, or notice the power you hold underneath your party hat. they will only see your ability to attract muscular jocks and savy jack. so forget the club scene and develop something of substance. maybe find out who Tolkein is. and if not retry the meaning of existence, cause raving is not a the means to end your emptiness. ~and that will do it for my first free form friday. from now on i will refer to it as FFF. so yeah, i hope your year is already a hopeful predicament.

Mix Two Parts And You'll Forget The Rest

2004-01-02T17:48:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year again... yeah i guess i will say that until i feel as though the year has properly been welcomed. so without much less than this i will state that i hope to create more fantabulous creations this year and am hoping to begin a new era in my website... pretty soon that is. well, relatively soon. i'm close, honest, it's just that i might not have it up for a little while. but february hopefully at the latest, surely no later than march... But on greater and more splendiforous topics, i have a large amount of enthusiasm welling up inside of me for Seattle. i can't believe it's only 20 or so days out. man oh man are my thoughts churning as to what i will do up there. i have decided to try and make a list of expectations i hope to achieve for this year. i have not chosen to do one before but i figure that this was a good time to try and organize my intentions: I desire to grow further in my relationship with God and His special Trinity. I hope to go to SPU and work towards an english degree. I hope to start cell based churches with my friends that will change the world, or at least me. I hope to start a band of sorts with my soon to be roomates that will be catered to small coffee shops and whatnot. I hope to further my writing skills and learn how to fully express the hidden emotions which remain hidden due to my ineffective explanations. I hope to work on me, that being the person i want to be and not the person i should be. (don't worry everyone, i'm not gay. wish you'd stop asking though.) I desire to find a match to my imperfect half that we shall eventually meld into one solid piece of perfection and bliss. I hope to find a seedy bar that i can call my surrogate home and hang out with the regulars, maybe even work at it. I hope to work on my habits and get a rythym to my action that will generate production. I hope to find a venue and try to get kicked out at least once a month from it. I hope to learn how to play an upright bass and hopefully buy one. I hope to learn another word that is as compelling as hope and desire. I want to find another term which is as universal as fierce. I hope to learn Seattle inside and out. And piss off at least 1 driver a day with my driving skills. I want to work on my computer skills and hopefully become a l337 Haxxor... yeah. I hope to make many new friends which with whom i can do a multitude of Washington type things with. I desire to not lose contact with those i leave behind, but instead formulate a good pattern of written and vocal sentiments back and forth. I want to spit off of the Space Needle in Seattle. I hope to have the time of my life.

It Really Is Quite Funny.

2004-01-01T21:42:00.000-08:00

Welcome To My New Year

2004-01-01T02:52:00.000-08:00

i hope everyone had an awespicious interaction with last years closing. i know i didn't but that relates to a story i will post later. but for this post i would like to publicly thank everyone i had contact with last year. you all helped me to be the person i am and i am forever in your debt. and for a more detailed account i would like to comment on my last year in a retrospective format: huh... man that was fun. ooh yeah... that hurt. eh... could've done better. yeah... now that was pretty cool. hmm... forgot about that. oh wow... i have some great friends. ~ in the future, for all respective endeavors, i would like to seem as though i am more than motivated and less than capable. then maybe motivation would become illicit and determination would find its sure footing.

Am I The Only One?

2003-12-29T20:36:00.000-08:00

So please tell me that i am not the only one when i state that Jenny Lewis is extremely beautiful. man i think i am starting to become addicted...

Happy Brithday To My Little Bro'

2003-12-29T20:21:00.000-08:00

So today is my little brother's birthday and i just thought i would announce it on here. i love ya man and i hope your day is awesome as heck ey. and by the by for everyone else. he is now 17, available and rather like an enhaced version of me. so any interested women can just leave a comment and i'll give him your name and number. he's pretty freakin awesome trust me. why just look at these cute pics:

So wanna Hear something That is Rather funny?

2003-12-29T15:38:00.000-08:00

And Now It's Time For...

2003-12-27T20:19:00.000-08:00

 Yesteryear's Glory:

Oh how i long for the cartoons of old.
Why has the glory of Thundercats yet to be retold.
Heman has been discovered and revamped to greatness,
for we all know that before the storyline was a product of the lame.
but now it's clever whit and remarkable sequences
leaves me groping for all my lost pieces.
so as those crazy Auqabats usually would say,
"please, oh please, take me back to my happy land"

Poor Mr. Hook: So did you hear about the saddness which engulfed Mr. Hook? he had finally conquered those rascals in never neverland. yes, Pan was dead and Hook had won, no more merriness and fun. but alas, poor Hook became affected through karma. he discovered at his prosthetics anonymous, that Mr. Scissorhands was feeling rather ominous. he called Hook's deeds disgusting and diseased and what more, he shredded poor Caps toupe. poor Mr. Hook he should have known. he was going to reap what he had sown.

heh looky at this

2003-12-27T18:07:00.000-08:00

man

board Get It?

Antiquated perfection? Like that'll happen.

2003-12-27T18:02:00.000-08:00

So no one has ever thought to ask why i chose the name i did and for some reason that bothers me. probably because i found it really nifty and i want a lot of attention. so i thought i'd pretend that someone, oh let's say Carl, asked:

"Hey Chris, what does the title of your blog mean?"

well Carl i'm glad you asked... You see Carl, my idea of anitquated perfection refers to the eternal truths that govern our lives. That is, the main forces which have and will always be present and influential in our lives. These truths are perfect, they are complete. the only thing that we need to accomplish to understand and utilize these truths, would be to adapt or revise the impact which these truths have in our lives. that way our purpose can be fulfilled and completed. so basically, nothing discoverd is "new" it is merely re-interpreted. and thereby everything of old can be utilized in the present if properly changed for personal re-invention. Now aren't you glad you asked Carl?

Happy Christmas To All

2003-12-25T18:02:00.000-08:00

Hello And Merry Christmas everyone. i just wanted to post a blurb wishing the hope that everyone's Christmas was relaxing and joyous, or tedious and trying, or you know, whatever you wanted. Merry Christmas.

Sharing The Wonder

2003-12-23T19:43:00.000-08:00

No, not the bread, but the wonder of love. I got the opportunity to see my brother-in-law Steve over the past few days and man was it great. He came in from out of town with his two kids Sebastian and Paige. I should clarify and say that he is my ex-brother-in-law since i am now divorced but here is the awesome part: despite my ex's desire to give me up, her families love for me remained. My brother-in-law Steve is an amazing man and i am so overjoyed to know him. And an awesome occurence happened while i was visiting at my ex parent's house. as i was saying goodbye he made sure that his children said goodbye to "uncle Chris", what a wonderful thing to have family despite the loss of connection. I am so happy that eventhough i have lost my ex i still have my family that i gained through her. just thought i'd mention that since this is Christmas season and whatever... uh yeah.

What A World To Desire

2003-12-21T16:57:00.000-08:00

What if there was a world of ours that was governed by reality and not perception. Because we all know for a fact that presently we only know what a person tells us. actions will only be of value to a certain extent because the motivation behind said actions are always changing. so what if the reality of a person could be the governable truth. In addition, what if their was no condemnation for negative qualities of a person. so someone is a liar and a thief. well so, at least we know and know where this persons limitations lie. also, i would love a world where despite someone's motivating force they are first and foremost a human being deserving of respect and consideration like anyone else. not that i'm a liar and a thief... honest. but let's put this into an aspect of my interest: There are many people in this world who are confused and despaired with relationships of an intimate matter. So many people start a relationship delighted but end up being hurt because the people they are in the relationship with have a "Dating Persona" going. so what if we could see this persona and then be able to compensate or at least understand where the person is coming from? I think everyone in the world would find the perfect person for them without all the struggle. So as soon as i figure out a way to adapt the tatoos i have all over my body for personality enlightenment, i'll let you know. (thinking of some way to enable the emotitat with some kind of radio broadcast that is picked up by other similar emotitats.) eh

A Little Bit Of This Right About Now...

2003-12-19T18:43:00.000-08:00

Forever Happened On Friday: I couldn't believe that this day had come where yesterday was an eternity ago and tommorrow would never arrive at its final sum. so here i wait for my lunch from that oh so nice of places and think about all i have to do on my busy eternal friday. most i have accomplished and now here i post my list: - find the end of starvation behind my sofa cushions... check - discover where the sidewalk ends and what goes inbetween... check - figure the meaning to life and wonder if it could be because of caffeine... check - discover the things of nurture and adminition which heals all living souls... check - find out if my sister wanted some of my soup bowls... check - find out why my cat mates with arbitrary blankets... oh, not checked, dang so anyways as you can see i have much to do and the least of which is not waiting for my lunch. and i sit here thinking, wondering, maybe they forgot me because its been at least three hours into this eternity. Ode To The Drunken Dwarf: Silly Dwarf with your ring of indulgence why is that you need such a tool in life's process. you need not be afraid of eventual intoxication just drink with me some of this here Dwarven concoction. You can't say that it isn't effective for i saw you last night. you were a drunken baboon flopping onto all of the stools. why oh why do you want to be a blubbering fool? is it because i beat you so bad at chess? you sure did brag alot about such a game as that i would imagine that it's your shabby beard but then what would i know as far as i can guess. maybe dwarven beards are taking new fashion should they be scrawny and petite in season and is there new ration to all ties of big lengthy beards. or maybe there is a shortage which i did not hear. whatever the case you are quite the looker see you later you fatty dwarf you little sparse bearded fool.

HEHE poor Amy

2003-12-18T20:00:00.000-08:00

So anyone want to see what I do when I am really tired and I want to annoy/disturb my friend Amy? Read This Yeah that was so much fun. I actually heard my responses coming from different aspects of thought. ooh boy that was fun. goodnight all. And just remember, only you can't prevent pschizophrenia. well... maybe not you

Man i wish i could get payed for destroying things, that'd be swell!!

2003-12-17T06:27:00.000-08:00

UGHH... LOTR:Return Of The King... UGhh... Me hate crap and crap is it. i was gonna not talk about the movie so anyone would not get my slanted view on the movie but i am sitting here with no sleep yet and still thinking that this movie was so uber lame that it needs to be defaced. anyways... Mr. Jackson you have gone and created something no one in their right mind might find talented or enjoyable. and for those of you who thnk i'm wrong and find it enjoyable, get your head out of your arse and watch the movie with both eyes wide open. you can't miss the crap 'cause it's being flung with no regard for observing audiences. kind of like those crazy monkeys at the zoo. and no not the band the real animals. you know what i'm speaking on. stop it you do. besides the suedo band was spelled monkees. see it was a play on words. hey hey where the MONKEES, not monkeys. see? just... just shutup. i hate you. leave me be. stop. no stop now please. ah crap. on a side note i was running an ad in an online zine for anyone who wanted to contribute to this fabulous blog for dwarves. it seems that their has been a hit. so soon i should have a new blogger on here wanted to post dwarven info crap. hopefully she will be posting helpful information since Gimli is a jerk who doesn't post anymore. oh yeah and on another side note, i know i stated previously that gimli was really dwaergor, my bad. they are not the one and same. i would say that i looked more like gimli than dwaergor does and i'm not even a dwarf, just an honorary one, so you can imagine how wrong i was in my previous statement. and no my face isn't red and no i don't have respect for gimli. And for the last time, person who wants a strand of hair from my chops, NO.

YES!!

2003-12-15T22:33:00.000-08:00

so it was the site i was storing my images on. 150m.com is the crap i tell ya. don't use their crud. cause it stinks of putrid incompetence festering under the pale moon of malevolence.

I hate this crap!!

2003-12-15T20:50:00.000-08:00

Why does it totally work in my browser? WHY! Why can it even work in my blogger template and not in this freaking crap for crap when i post it. WHY?!?!?!? i'm just asking. well this should work: I SUCK

So there

2003-12-13T18:18:00.000-08:00

I defy this to look more than crappy and less than right on any computer. btw... what do you think of this? i am trying to come up with a logo for this site.

just ignore how lame it is please

2003-12-13T10:12:00.000-08:00

So i have an awesome 17 inch wide screen laptop. so when i saw my site for the first time from a 15 inch screen, i gasped in despair i realize that the links looks like crap and i'm sorry i will change it eventually soon so please forgive the agreegious mistake on my part.

Anniversary of Spoken Regret

2003-12-12T01:08:00.000-08:00

Welcome to this rendition of free form Friday. Slightly skewed and deeply personal of my nature. I hope the expression reaches the par: Forever Amiss: I smelled you tonight or at least I imagined that I could. You were not hear of course, not even your thoughts, but I felt like I could remember your presence. I wish to forget the significance of this day out of the year but I fear ignorance would create absence of growth. I long to remember for without I can't see my change, so here's to personal growth despite the pain. Thanks for yesteryear: Once ago I had a life to boast from I had a future to be proud I lost my future and forgot to look but I think it was near the guest room thank you for our life of union it was great while it last even in the end when evil stepped in thanks for the love, the peace, the enduring twinge sorry for the pain within our end begins. Emo the Love, Just Emo It: Love is not the fickle commodity its the jerk behind the instrumental curtain you stupid Oz give up your gears and let the Love stave off destruction it's the depth of it, the intensity of truth, its the simple power with which we forget that makes this love so true. So love has taken a corner in this dark mansion of hate. It sits there alone crying its heart out as I sit and shake. Better Now Than Never: Happy days are presently pursuing my person I am rather glad to see that I have exchanged my pain for glee see me, let me show it, I want to share the Chris I am stronger than before, they have made me stronger faster, and better to glow. so forget the dowsing rod cause I have plenty of depth I can feel the spring of water inside this plane of mortal coil and I embrace the joy of its breadth. Happy day of remembrance for that which has been left behind I am the Heman of this castle of mine

Santa You Little Kidder You

2003-12-10T19:26:00.000-08:00

I had a talk with Chris yesterday and it helped me to discover something. Santa has always been fake for everyone in the United States. It has always been some kind of gimmick that was started based on an actual person from another country who delivered presents to children. Well I was embarrassed after hearing the truth. I decided to go and discover the location of Santa's workshop and where I might be able to find him. It turns out that Santa is alive and well and living in Palm Springs. I met the man and he is nice and jollylike the song. He doesn't look like your pictures of him though. He is shaven, tan, and not overweight in the slightest. He said his figure was in part due to the Atkins diet. Well, he is living their in a commune outside Palm Springs along with Mrs. Clause and Elvis. My purpose of this post was just to let you all know that I have figured out the truth behind Christmas. I went and apologized to the Santa at Ontario Mills. He was a very nice guy by the name of Ted, Ted Stringfellow. So thanks everyone and have a good night. I'll post on my adventures soon i promise.

So Take a Looky At My Day...

2003-12-08T22:00:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine gave me some helpful advice in regards to postings on my blog. My friend said that sometimes I should maybe write about some of my everyday life instead of just my thoughts and poetic bloggings. So I present this: I got up today from my bed instead of my couch, which, is an unusual thing to say the least. So I got into the shower and pretended to take a detailed washing of myself. (I usually never use soap. Only shampoo and conditioner) Once I got out of said shower I got on some clothes that were either on my bed or near it. I then had the fore site to realize I didn't want to buy my lunch so I got some hot dogs, cheddar fish thingies, and salad which I bought from Price Club the other day. (again bizarre that I went shopping) So then I went to work. It's like a 20-30 minute commute and I get to listen to Mark and Brian whilst driving. Then at work I pretty much locked myself into my cubicle listening to Jealous Sound, Reel Big Fish, Pedro The Lion, and Cursive. I pretty much did that until I went on breaks, lunch, and the usual work gathering jaunts which I use to talk with Aaron and Josh. Blah,Blah,Blah... oh yeah and I hate having to hear my co-workers talk about the lamest crap. So I usually wear headphones with the volume quite loud. umm... I got to have a real nice break with Amy and Josh in the afternoon which is time I always look forward to because it brings some fun into my day. Yeah then I went home. oh yeah, I read some funny arse articles that have been posted on onion. Really hilarious crap posted on that site, I assure you. Thanks Aaron. Then I got home and I ate a nice deli sandwich and got my hair cut. Just before I got my hair cut I got to talk to Joy for a couple seconds. I am now typing out this wonderful blaeg and after I'm finished I will study for my two finals tomorrow. Then after that's done I'll probably watch some Anime Unleashed and Adult Swim... pass out around the end of Blue Gender and then wake up on my couch in the morning to another day... I uh... I don't know if I like this way of blogging. Don't think I have the knack for it. Oh well good night everyone. But before I go the person with which I pulled on my previous hat grab will now be mentioned: Today's post shall be on my brother Jon. Mr. Jon I love you so much. Throughout life we have always leaned on each other when times were tough. I have always enjoyed the times we spend and I hope you never change man. You have so many characteristics I admire and spending time with you is always so much fun. You will always be a person to motivate and confound me. I know we will always have a great relationship man I love ya. Thanks for all of the inspiration you have given me.

I Call Upon Humanity For Aid!!

2003-12-07T16:37:00.000-08:00

Hello readers of dwarven endeavors, I have an urgent topic to state. I want to let all of you concerned with safety of this world to know that time has never been more crucial to lend your ears to that which I am about to speak on: I have discovered a plot to change your world forever. Their is a plan in motion to alienate yourselves from reality and thereby extinguish your capability to affect the world around you. The most simplistic tool of these endeavors is being perpetrated through the mega malls and department stores. People of Earth I implore you to fight against these abominations. Stand up to the evil of the "Christmas season" shopping rush, and throw down the caste system of consumer bigotry. This system has been long in the making and until recently even I, Dwaergor Vapansmidh, was unaware to the vile treachery being perpetrated. I am a huge fan of your "Christmas" and have enjoyed many years of giving and receiving gifts to all that I hold dear in this world. The chance to rest and show your love to all that you care for is a remarkable procession in this world. That is why I understand that what I am about to say may shock some of you. Please believe what I will tell you and remember that I am on your side. Santa Clause is not real! I know that seems a lie, I know that many of you readers are starting to sharpen your axes to seek retribution for my horrific comments but please bear with me a little longer while I share my proof with you. I went to the Ontario Mills mall the other day to shop for some gifts for those I hold in high esteem. As is the usual custom of your world, Santa Claus was their to entreat the little kids to assurances that he will deliver the toys they deem most desirable. I have always admired Santa for his dedication to children and their happiness, he gives so much for the world without expectancy of payback. He truly has a God centered heart. Well I saw Santa leaving his chair for a small break and so decided to commend him on the wonderful job he was doing for the children of this world. "why hello their Santa how are you on this fine day?" I said. "huh, what? Oh fine buddy. Can't complain...uh... nice costume?" he replied. I was startled because every year for the past 38 out of 60 years I've been here on Earth, I have always met with Santa and talked with him about my endeavors. This was the first time that he didn't seem to care about me, and what more he didn't even inquire into the whether I have led a good life this past year. So I said, "Santa surely you remember me? I am Dwaergor, we met while I was in Britain hunting down a Drak, remember?" He looked at me very peculiarly and said, look buddy I'm on break right now. I have no idea what the f*** your game is. If you're retarded or something I'm sorry, I'll try to bring you some f****** brains like the scarecrow in Oz okay? Is that good you wack job? Now leave before I call security on your f****** a**(expletives masked). I was shocked and confounded as he walked away from me with a little limp which I had never notice before... suddenly it hit me. This was not Santa, it was but some imposter setting himself up as Santa to perpetrate malcontent on the children of this town. I immediately dug my feet in and leapt to tackle this vile imposter. I hit him square in the middle of his back and he was down in seconds. I turned him over and discovered something appalling... people with a faint heart you may want to stop reading for the next couple sentences... HIS BEARD WAS FAKE! Whatever kind of abomination of a man he was, he had a faux beard on because he was unable to grow a beard of distinguishing posture. I was outraged and declared him to be a vile perpetrator of malevolence. I began to repeatedly beat him hoping for the evil to leap out of him like the impostor he was. Well... I rarely become so enraged and so... I forgot that I was in the middle of the mall and when my blood finally cooled a little, I was able to hear the screaming children and furious parents who were trying to scream for help. Apparently his disguise was still so devious that they were unaware that he was fake. So I leapt to my feet and implored the people to see the fake beard which I had taken from this evil impostor. I shouted reproaches to his trickery and sought to reassure the children that I had saved them from heartbreak. But the parents only shielded the children from my truth by running away with the children while they held their hands over their ears. As they left, running up to me were an army of security personnel for the mall. Yes! I knew that they would at least punish this man as the law demanded in cases of posing as someone else. I would like to say that everything was great after that, I would like to say that wrong had been thwarted, but instead I found out how deep this vein of evil truly ran. The security personnel ran up to me and immediately pulled their guns and told me to lie down. Well I couldn't understand their confusion, maybe they didn't realize I had saved their mall? So I merely complied so I wouldn't cause unnecessary blood shed, and we walked into their security room behind the Dairy Queen. They of course asked me what I was trying to do back there. And I told them my entire story and because as sure as I was that all would be cleared up, i never expected what came next. I almost passed out from the what the security agent Carl told me. He explained to me that the impostor was hired and payed by the mall. He said that all malls do this and that Santa is not real. He is a tool that marketing companies use so children will ask their parents for all the hottest toys. He even then went on to state that the real Santa if their had been one, as I declared vehemently existed, was probably killed off or died of old age. He even stated that I was the true criminal and that I would be sent to jail and hopefully rot for ruining Christmas for all the children I scared. Me? I was the wrong doer. Preposterous I screamed. I was then thrown into some shoddy makeshift cell where I was to remain until the police came to arrest me. Well seeing as how I found out the level of evil, I was sure that the police were no less guilty. so I left to my house in Gimli's stronghold, Stromgard. I know no worse evil than lying to children and so you can see that this evil needs to be expunged. The evil corporations causing this evil lie needs to be thwarted. Malls must be destroyed. I, Dwaergor, declare this newly discovered threat a reason to fight and urge all to participate in this cause to end consumerism.

Simply astounding...

2003-12-03T22:53:00.000-08:00

have you ever had one of those days where you hated yourself in your life? life was great but you sucked? well i was having that day until about 3 hours ago. i just instant messaged with an amazing person and i would have to say my stomach is slightly butterflied. its amazing how much a new friendship in life can change your perspective forever. suddenly i feel as though words cannot express the wellness with which my soul has decided to expedite upon me. nice. so... i had this great idea today on my way home from work. i need someone to assist me in coming up with a special tattoo. the size, shape, or location doesn't matter, i just need someone who can design this essential bit. (here's my pitch) World, do you feel as though people are odd and unable to fully understand basic truths. for example look at people who express their love. love is simply a word that can mean many different levels of emotion. to love a burrito is not the same as the love for a dog. so how are you to know what level of emotion is possible for certain people. (for purposes of example) what if you love another individual deeply and truly, but what if they have a deep "love" for you but it is the equivalent of puppy love? well? how are you to know because it is almost impossible to ascertain how a person comprehends love? well i have the answer... (pause for dramatic effect) The Express Tat! (hmmm... note to self. work on the name.) With this wonderful tattoo you can figure out your own personal level of comprehension in the matters of love. It makes the perfect gift for your significant other as well. finally be sure of someones capability to love you. so anyways the idea is that you can have this tattoo that has altering shades of color depending on your inner belief and or understanding of whatever concept is imprinted in the tattoo. i.e. love will have a shade from light pink to crimson red, spirituality light grey to white, umm... even evil could be from light grey to black. i know it could never work and also shouldn't work because emotions and understanding would become regulated according to one belief but geez it would make things easier. i haven't heard from Gimli or Dwaergor in a while in case anyone cares. i got an email from gimli wishing me a happy thanksgiving but other than that, nothing. well hopefully he will write since its been like a month. makes me wonder if maybe aaron could be Gimli since they both haven't written in so long. eh. So i am only a little more than a month away from heading up to Seattle. time flies so fast when your in a rocket ship. i am trying my hardest to make this last month swell but my stupid emo feelings are encrusting into my mood like i previously stated in the first paragraph. but here's to hoping that i use my remaining time with people i care about wisely. so that in mind, anyone want to get ridiculously drunk with me on the 12th? it's a bad day for me and i think getting drunk may improve my chances of getting through it without a memory of the day. please email or leave a comment if you'd like to. if not i'll probably not get drunk and just deal with it like a grown-up. *sigh* Today's hat grab got... drum roll please... unfolding the piece of paper... ooh tough one... hmm... i kinda have to go to bed soon... next post i promise. so the second pull is... aha Mr. Schlitt. Mr. Schlitt was my junior high drama teacher. his classes were very simple and we didn't learn really any acting techniques or anything, but i did learn how to open up to audience's and how to get rid of stage fright. which in itself of course is amazing, he was very instrumental in opening my sense of self and helping me to express myself according to how i wanted not how others needed me to. i really opened up and had fun acting in his class. it helped me with my personal growth tremendously and so for that, i thank you Mr. Schlitt. well that does it. have a good evening.

so uh evaluate my intentions

2003-11-28T20:15:00.000-08:00

hiya and welcome to a new and updated version of tunerdwarf.com. consider this version 1.00345619278. i hope you like the changes that have occurred but i also realize that some persons may find my site crap and for those i strongly encourage a comment posted because i can't wait to hear some negatives. so anyways i hope this is the beginning of some nifty site ideas and hope you all had a great turkey day and... uh... man can you believe how that... uh... football game against that one team turned out yesterday... geez was that sports filled fun and entertainment let me tell you... so today's highlight will be on Mr. Adam Quijas (KeeHaas). Adam and i became friends in 4th grade and it continued all the way up to 6th. we were great friends and developed a posse of sorts that made us feel cool for reasons i don't remember to clearly. we would normally spend our recesses playing football with all of us or running around the playground pretending to be having a ridiculous amount of fun. laughing and crap while literally running. yeah i don't know, i have always been a retard, just in case some of you were wondering when my characteristics started. anyways, his friendship helped me to learn peer interaction and how impressing people through outwards demonstrations of coolness is for the lame. so i wish to publicly thank him for his friendship despite the odds of him reading this. Adam thanks ey.

Maybe you've only seen implications of this?

2003-11-23T02:08:00.000-08:00

i am a different person in many ways than i was in say... '99. i deal with people and life a little less animated, a little less open and by a side product of that, many times my true feelings on things take a backburner. Now i used to be able to open up to people much easier than i do now. but nowadays more likely than not i usually take the form of the jester or recluse when i talk to people... so when it comes time for me to speak as i am about to i figure it best to explain the previous to any who might hear or read what i am about to feel. my move to Seattle, which has become determined to take place in january, leaves me feeling happy and yet oddly morose. i guess its not that odd, but i want to believe i shouldn't feel it so it won't cloud my judgment... anyhoo, i came up with a good idea of charting my influences in my life which have affected me positively and negative alike. mainly i want to talk about all the people who have intrigued me or changed me through interaction. so as a precursor or closer to every blog i write, i will try to include at least one person from my past or present that means alot to me because of the influence they pressed on my mold. For sake of uniformity i will try to come up with some form of organization, but until that works out, i will post today on Bob Shibley: Bob was the elder of the church that i started going to with the Enlgand's but more importantly he was my friend and Grandfather-in-law. Bob died back in 2000 after suffering from a severe leg circulation problem and other mishaps due to his declining physical health. He was such an amazing man, and i am so fortunate to have known him as well as i came to. we developed a very special relationship over the few years we knew each other. at first we had a reserved yet joking type relationship, but after a while we became enmeshed in a fun quest to come up with the perfect quip to use against the other. never anything super mean or cruel but as deflating of egos as possible. most of the time i remeber him commenting on how weak i was and such a wuss, i remember he would always back that up with how "when i was your age i was lifting 100 pund bags over my head all day long!", which i would always use against him by poiting out that the reason he used a cane and was severly sore most mornings, was probably due to the jock type mentalities he was supporting. i would say" at least i am going to be able to skip when i get older." Now we never were very serious about the quips of course, it was just the best way each of our personalities could connect and share a relationship uniquely based. He was one of the first men not of my family that i could openly hug and not feel awkward. He became my Grandpa... so without further ado i bring this recollection to a close, but i will say, that i am so grateful that i got to meet him and see God working in and through his life and i cannot wait to see him again. see ya later all.

not as bad as i thought they could be

2003-11-22T16:30:00.000-08:00

so i haven't listened to Blink182 in a few years. i was first introduced to them off of cheshire cat and then fell in love with dude ranch. well after enema of the state i lost interest in them and didn't really hear their next few albums, but i will say that their newest self-titled creation is really good. they are trying to grow and become something they want and i like it. so if you ever get the chance you should... btw thx goes out to mr. josh for getting the newest songs and sharing them with me. Which after reading their discography i come to realize that they say cheshire cat came out after dude ranch? is that possible? or better yet, is that correct?

OOH Badger Snadgers!!!

2003-11-20T21:29:00.000-08:00

Tommorrow is my companies Thanksgiving potluck and i am rather excited to go this year. last year i had to train some poor sap in SB and so i arrived back at the office in the afternoon, after the potluck . there was no food left except for lettuce and some celery but i was assured that there had been mounds of delicious food and that it was the best potluck the company has ever had... So i had this idea for a book concept the other day as i was driving home from work... and so i will now write it down here for you all. ok, just imagine if you will, our concept of time. we have a linear view on time and despite some secret efforts and scientific theories, we have never yet publicly manipulated time. so what if there is basically a straight path which we use as our timeline. imagine that we are on a path heading in only one direction and it propels us like an invalid on a conveyor belt as opposed to a sidewalk which we can set our pace to. but something we cannot do is look behind us. we are only left with the memory or physical imprint of the event but we cannot see the past. the reason for it is because the path itself disappears as we walk on it. so now imagine another race in our world. imagine that they are living in the rest of the time left outside our linear timeline. they exist outside of our linear belt, but to them, they live 1 minute behind us. they can see our progress on the conveyor belt but it is from behind and the path for them is only a vague blur which eventually becomes an expanse of our history, it is broad and immense in comparison to our intensified path. the reason for the immenseness the disapearing path leaves is because each person controls their future and so the conveyor belt condenses down to overlapping single layers. they see all of our past at once but they cannot see what is present to us because of being 1 minute behind and they also are not able to see our future because we haven't created it yet. but other than that they have all access to our history and the history of the universe. they do not age because to them, time does not measure growth, it measures knowledge. and so some of them study us while the rest of their race explores the universe in hopes of collecting all the knowledge since creation. now of course when i say explore, its not in our concept due to their perspective of reality. they simply explore with their mind kind of like an out of body experience except they actually appear wherever they feel like in the universe since time and space does not relate to them as same to us. yeah so... i kind of like the possibilities of this and i think i may make something of it... or maybe not, i am kinda lazy.

Sometimes, my hair has rabies, or at least jaundice

2003-11-18T02:41:00.000-08:00

in recognition of my poetic intrigue i feel like i will do some of this: pains through process: well i'll catch ya later what should i say, my heart is pounding my thoughts, fleeting, your attention is all that i crave. forever in yours eyes i can see all my pain, misfortune through virtue its just never the same. i think about my suffering and realize its all for you, what can i say?... everything, except what's true. give me a moment, nothing more flex your soul embrace His light, find my savior tonight. assaulted by guilt trapped in anguish release yourself to His light. ~chris For something new: i dream of a feeling worth living, to be in a state of creating. to forget about neccesity and just concentrate on simplicity. to wonder why the crows cry and then take a walk with friends. i hope to stretch in reflex and then sneeze with delight. and who knows, maybe if i wonder around in calm respite with the crows in flight, i could finally become the curious man that fell into me. ~chris To Blog or not to Blog: That is the question. whether tis nobler to suffer the pains of forced essay writing, or to write in my blog and thereby, flunk my class of english. if i would i should, but to end this will mean a loss of peace through no creative output. but to not finish my oral report would only leave a class less than desired, without the dedication of pursuit to which i aspire. so i will write my blog and finish it now. sorry dear reader but act 2 of much ado will not wait. ~chris Night everyone. i hope you all have a great tuesday or whatever day you choose to read this.

about the buttons

2003-11-16T01:23:00.000-08:00

they're a little small because of putting them in the post i believe. usually they are bigger... so eh?

Ready For A Little Tidbit of Flash?

2003-11-16T00:55:00.000-08:00

So oh man i had so much fun last night. Josh and i were at his house working on our websites and man oh man was it ever so awesome. i spent about 6 hours just to learn how to animate a button and oh yeah can i animate so serious buttons... at least i think so, but please, allow me to demonstrate: it's not finished and i wouldn't use the buttons if i were you :) I don't know if i want to keep these buttons but at least i am progressing huh? oh yeah and Gunbound is really awesome.

Why hello! Welcome to my entry

2003-11-12T19:40:00.000-08:00

Hello friends of Gimli and Chris, my name is Dwaergor Vapansmidh. I am here from a distant place pursuing renegade Drak Bozdks who have their sights on your planet. i was invited to post on this web log with any and all stories or thoughts I might have. I have never really spoken to Chris but from his posts i believe i would like to at some time. i met Gimli a few decades back as i was traversing through the underdark looking for a notorious vigilante from my world, Blaen. He was extremely helpful in guiding me through the passages and through my travels with him, we became quite good friends. I spent a few years in Gimli's stronghold, and in time, became a citizen of their town. I am 250 years old and from a planet called KlarLeicht. I cannot really relate to you where my planet is according to your charts because you have not discovered it's location yet. We have a very similar beginning to our world as your own. God created our world as well and he also created my race in his image. Now without toying with your understanding of theology, please understand that eventhough i am a dwarf and not a human, God's image is as complex as God is and meanings of "in my image" are as diverse as can be imagined. I of course believe and follow God, Christ, and the Holy Spirit, as do most of my world except for the Drak Bozdks who are the followers of Zyrztaehg. He is the personification of evil in our world, very similar to your world's Satan. Since God's creation of both our worlds, (your's was made before ours) both worlds have been diverging due to our interaction with God in our own special ways. I won't go into detail about my world because I don't believe that is necessary or prudent at this time, but I will explain why I am here pursuing fugitives. God has blessed my people with the ability to use the power locked within ourselves to do tasks in our lives. It's simply put, akin to electricity. Consider how you are able to use and power wonderful things by electricty and nuclear power and all. Well through the Holy Spirit, God has enabled us to power our objects as well as power our thoughts and concepts which has really benefited our lives in creation of many beautiful things. Also as a glorious counterpart of this ability, we are able to interact with God on a very intense spiritual level while using our spirit in conjunction with the Holy Spirit. In other terms, I am the cord that plugs into the power source (Holy Spirit) and my desired goal is the object that is powered by the power source. Through this integration of God's power and will with our own, we are able to do remarkable things only limited by our imagination and by God's granting of power. there are no side effects as long as we use our abilities in direct compliance with God's grace. This is where the mirky part comes from; God, in his perfect plan, has allowed my people to use our gifts without his agreement, but when we do, we lose a portion of our soul and become that much less in tune to God. Sadly we lose a little bit of our salvation and become more worldly and less caring. many centuries ago, a man named Hebur sought to use his gifts to benefit dwarves as he saw fit. this led him to abuse his powers and the more he did so, the more he became slanted towards the betterment of dwarf kind. Eventually over time he began to want more power and to do more with his abilities. He began to entice others into his ideals and began to pervert other dwarves away from God. They eventually began a clan called Drak Bozdks and with their leader Hebur, sought to improve their power and stance in life. With the help of his followers Hebur used a special ceremony to make himself have near eternal life. It used the majority of his soul and also killed many of his followers. But he achieved a increased life span and through that, started to claim himself to be an all powerful god. Our world became very muddled and many dwarves became scared as to our future. God however used this evil to strengthen those who were true to him. My Ancestor, Henduil, along with many other people prayed intensely to God for strength and insight into how to stop Hebur. God was amazing and blessed our people with the knowledge we needed to be abel to stand up to Hebur. My ancestor discovered that Hebur was attempting to find alternate worlds that God has created with hopes of stealing the inhabitants souls and using the power within for their own means. God granted my ancestor the ability to form an agency to prevent this from happening. Their agency became the force of good who's purpose is to help restore the lost dwarves to God. They called themselves "Purposed for God" and they were succesful in preventing many dwarves from falling into the trap of worldly degradation. The P.F.G.'s fought many long and hard battles to protect worlds from Hebur's grasp. Over time the lines were drawn and Hebur developed a very elusive and secretive campaign to subvert worlds passively and use his long life span for his own benefit. Now we fast forward to the present; I have been assigned here to Earth to help to protect God's people, all of you. Hebur has formed an alliance with Satan and the carftiness they are perpetrating has caused a real distress for our people. With God's help i have been here trying to undo the pain being caused to this world from the Drak Bozdks. That's the premise of my entries and I will update as I can. I urge all of you to invest yourself into a relationship with our Lord. The relationship you can have, will be more rewarding than any other imaginable. Till I send another update.

WHOA WHAT THE CRAP!!!

2003-11-09T17:13:00.000-08:00

so i wrote a blog of much more content than what is posted just before this? also the part about the south african element from the 1940's as backdrop for goodbye sky harbor? at a lost to that. i left it there because i think blogger had some kind of glitch and pieced mine and some other blogger info together, pretty neat. so to write the rest of my blog: ...which was not to kosher to pit to. but as luck would have it, the next song was sweetness. well mr. josh and i just looked at each other with a big grin and said oh yeah. (almost simultaneous i think?) anyhoo we started flying into whosits and shoving kiddies like nobodies business and the kiddies being a form of lemmings jumped onto the inititaive and oh boy, did we go flying. mr aaron was able to get to where we were but by the time he did josh and i were already up near the front of the stage. there was so much bottled energy released and excitement flexed that night. the whosits made a point of continuing the rythym and so for most of the show it was just an awesome interpretation of movement and exictement at what is beautiful music. also much to my delight J.E.W. played 3 new songs and quite a few oldies. it was neat. Josh is such a talent in many ways but specifically to this post is when it comes to music. josh knows a song that is one of his favorite praise songs and he decided to do play it for our church as special music. well he had me play the bass with him and last week we got together to try and piece some cool bass riffs into the mix. he was able to create such a beautiful accompaniment to his guitar it was really quite hopeful as to maybe pursuing a musical nature in seattle. i can't remeber the name of the song for the life of me hopefully josh will post the name in the comments. but believe you me it is very nearly awesomest. also i have been in talks with Gimli and he has shown as much laziness as i choose to show so the site will prbably not look different for a while, maybe some cosmetic whatnots may be added but for the most part rest assured, we are both either too busy or just don't want to think about it. i don't know why he hasn't blogged lately he said he was gonna... eh. oh yeah, gimli also wanted me to tell you that he was trying to start a pen name when he said dwaergor was gonna start writing on this blog. so everbody knows, dwaergor is really gonna be gimli. i have not a clue as to why he didn't just write that in his first blog... maybe he has some identity crisis or something... whatever. have a good evening and i hope everyone had a great weekend.

some things to take into consideration...

2003-11-09T16:50:00.000-08:00

so as it turns out i have a busy schedule from week to week and the best time for me to update you fellows is at night or on sundays... so this being a sunday i figured i would try inbetween assignments: Jimmy Eat World is freaking amazing and i am rather glad that i went to their show on thursday of last week. man i had so much fun rocking out with all the other kiddies and whosits there. which brings me to my story part: Mr. Josh tends to not go to shows so his coming to the J.E.W. show was pretty sweet and it made my time much better. while we were waiting outside near the merch booths because the first band, "Dirty Sweet", was a butt rock joke,i had a blast just hanging out and talking with friends aaron, amy (amy doesn't blog and i have no access to pictures of her sorry) and afore mentioned josh. well as the show was ripening to awesomeness we went in to get a good spot for J.E.W. and as it turned out we got separated from aaron and amy. well amy was going to stay back and take it mellow while aaron, myself, and josh wanted to have fun near the front of the stage. so josh used my cell to tell aaron that as soon as the first song started we were gonna start a pit and thereby create a space for mr. aaron... funny enough the first song was goodbye sky harbor which was mcentury classic. Set in South Africa in the 1940s. it's the story of a Zulu pastor in a drought-sticken region, who makes a journey in search of his family.

Sometimes i wish i were not so emotionally inclined...

2003-11-01T18:29:00.000-08:00

there are so many times in my past few months of life that really shock me as to the person i am. why is it that i can have comprehensive concepts, and feelings towards emotional dependency and yet i am without an avenue of expression in those regards? i know i place protocols and exceptions on my ideas of dependency which effectively block my street, but man i can't believe my lameness. Case in point, i haven't inacted a serious search for another relationship since my ex left me. granted the conditions of departure was compelling in keeping me from emotional outreach, that coupled with the ungracious attempt at a reconcilliation, left me a little morose and altogether messed in the head. I have no idea what is really making me lag in my prospects of outreach... except of course fear. i know it is very girlish and overdone to continue to be held sway due to fear when i should have none but goodness gracious fear is overwhelming my clarityand decisiveness. i know how and why i become attracted to types of women and golly jeez (pretty great term) i know how i want to interact on a religious and intellectual level, and i go to a college full of women who share my views... so whats my problem? Lemurs man, Lemurs... Enough of that crap and i will just leave you on this one thought: Life is all about a desire to embolden a certain special and unique relationship. That would be the relationship you cultivate with God. Everything else is a blessing that God has given to us because he loves us. all of our joyous moments and deepest despairs are presents he has wrapped for us to continue the present of life and life abundant. So everything he gives is for pleasure so it should be appreciated and embraced... so we have no reason to live life afraid or even apprehensive. passion for our life should be the pursuit, because i believe that showing to God how thankful we are by actively being passionate through our actions in life is a way to praise God for the gift he has given us and it would also allow us to remember to engage in our relationship with him. SO WHY MY FEAR I ASK... WHY OH WHY? guess i'm just a pansy.

man once a week?

2003-11-01T11:33:00.000-08:00

so i am not on the proverbial role this week and sorry to say but i hate that alot. sometimes i wish that i could become sleep depraved and see what occurs with my time. then i realize that i would probably waste it just as well as the little free time i do have... sigh. so i can probably tell from the lack of posts on here that you might be wondering what ever happened to Gimli, and for that matter his new friend Dwaergor... well i was talking with g dog the other day and he told me that he has had one crazy week after the next and (right after he initiated me back into the Honorary Dwarf League, YES!!) he would hopefuly be posting some time next week and develop a routine for himself. i am also on the half spree after passing my halfway mark at school for this semester so i am in consultations with mr. Gimli to customize this site a little more and make it all the dwarf it can be. so hopefully with our two egos bashing into one another we can figure out where slot A should meet with rivet B and discover the perfect site for Dwarven might.

Putting on the Mask of the Jester

2003-10-23T02:00:00.000-07:00

So everyone plays a part in events and ideas... Its a founding reality all must become intangibly aware of. yet what happens when people become aware of their roles and seek to become new and diverse roles at the drop of their previous hat... does that change their role to the previous conditions? can anyone seriously change their perspective and role in someone's life enough to say, "yeah sure he used to be a jester but now he's a professor." remember ff2, in that game you could become a different class of character pretty much at whim. one minute your a fighter next your a mage. but regardless of the new role you still retain attributes of your previous if you so desire it... and i mean who wouldn't? so how could someone reverse their order and become the blue mage without previous skills mentioned in place? is it possible? does it negate the truth of mans desire for knowledge previously written? am i just a tired buffoon writing till my painting stops spinning so i can jump through the looking glass? maybe the wall next to my car can tell the tale of the gift worth giving again... whatever. so there is a place i help out at on tuesdays called the covina development center. its a special school for students who tend not to fit right in with the public school system. i.e. they're way too hyper active or have some more serious attention disorders or other problems. man are they awesome! the group i help out with are the pre-K who are between 5 and 3 years old. it's funny because there is a little kid named Cody who is extremely hyperactive and destructive and overall considered the worst child of the bunch. but i just love playing with him when i help out. i'm pretty sure that the aids and teachers are more than happy that i devote my time to this kid and boy oh boy do i enjoy it. he is so imaginative and so funny in how he tries to obtain treats he doesn't deserve or rewards he lost through maltreatment of his peers. and yet to him he is just being Cody. it's no charade and he is not crying out for attention, he is merely playing how he deems amusing and he speaks out against concepts he doesn't like and it is truly remarkable. i'm pretty sure he has a less than par family life from what the teachers have said and that makes me sad. when i look at Cody i see a kid who has found passion in life at a very early age. yes he is a disruption and yes he is extremely unfocused and at the present only likes to cause destruction, but underneath the facts there is a boy who is happy with himself and happy to be himself. he knows how to obey the system and instead tries to find a way to use the system to be himself through unusual means. i hope that he has the chance to cultivate his early attempts at anarchy before he is institutionalized and becomes what every student should be. what a wonderful world it would be if every boy and girl learned how to be themselves and then used that knowledge to interact and better their community... blah what a boy scout statement. yet i believe individual uniqueness is a lossed item that every person should search for within themselves until they know without a doubt that they are different than other people. man i wish i was taking notes on this cause maybe i could try to be like my written word dictates... nah too much work i guess. ooh crap i should finish up so i can go to bed for work tommorrow and become all that i am wished not to be. see you at the cooler my peeps. can't wait to talk about survivor or friends or e.r. or whatever...

maybe its the act of trying that determines the pizza?

2003-10-21T22:27:00.000-07:00

like a rainbow sitting on my window sill i contemplate what i am to do. how is it that i can accurately depict my sadness or gloom in any given event but i cannot, or at least not effectively, depict my joyous mood. i sit now feeling happy and at ease and yet that doesn't begin to describe my feelings. i wonder, is depression so easy to write about because one must understand their depression to overcome it productively. yet happiness is something i have always just wanted to enjoy and not contemplate on... maybe thats my error. what if i were to enjoy and contemplate on my joy whenever i had a happiness in my heart and soul, would that kill the feeling? is happiness to remain something untangibly superior to try to hinder by observation? i have yet to make a productive stab at my current pleasantness and therefore yet to ruin the possibilities of unbridled peace... i feel... i feel like eventhough the world is not right and i have not secured a place in it, i am still a part of its struggle. i feel like the whole world is set before me and all of it is out of my reach but by having it set before me i see the different parts of my world and wait to act when i may be able to partake of a grasp. sitting on my couch staring at my world i only see what i want to feel and yet my feelings are of happy regret and unrestrained patience. i have no worries of death only of life and that makes me very happy... but why can't i forget my worries of life. i never have understood the pursuit of prestige, i understand the position it places a person in respect to their peers but i have never understood why it would be of necessity, and yet i wonder if i might like it. is that why i try to learn? to be better than the person who has yet to learn a truth or lie i have? is that why we all desire to know? to be that much more of a savant on the subject... i hope not and yet what else could there be? how many true people of genius are willing to hide their talent to instruct a person without their skill? how many are capable of denying the feat of ability so it can be left undone? is there such a person as able to learn everything and not hinder anything? for what is an answer of perception if it must be aligned with a former genius' answer? eh... i haven't really fathomed my happiness yet and so maybe that is just something i'll finish my day with and hope that it will come to me in my dreams... maybe as the rainbow without its shield.

YES!!! I am sooo back

2003-10-18T00:24:00.000-07:00

oh boy oh boy welcome me back to my blog. hey ladies and fellow gentleman readers, i am so glad to announce that due to your kind insistence i am back and i am typing like there is no tomorrow. i have been really missing my time to blog and so now that i can... i will. Sooo... what the heck is the deal with inter-office topics and my lack of interest with them? is it just me or does everyone else in life find the topics of mediocre chit chat depressingly important. why oh why would i find it important to hear about how our downstairs neighbors are moving, or that when a co-worker went to get groceries, they were yelled at by the striking workers... i just don't seem to care. i wonder if its my lack of concern with relations right now, or if its my overall disregard for interaction right now? remember when you were like 7 and the most important things in your life were Saturday morning cartoons and like beating your brother at backgammon? why was life so hard back then and not much easier now eventhough everything in your life has changed. i am sounding so refleftive to me right now i guess but really i am just thinking of my past. i always feel like my past directs my future and eventhough that seems like a commonplace tidbit i can't help but govern myself by what i never want to repeat... yet i fail miserably. why do i constantly hold all of my faults in my forefront when i try to pull myself and step out of my norm. i love change most of the time and yet when i try to actively change my situations in life i never succeed, but i always embrace and positively adapt to other persons changes on my life. i wonder if that makes me weaker or stronger than i shoud like to be? so i was doing a little spellunking in my journal today and i came across an idea i had which i would prefer to leave absent but the concept of my idea intrigues me so the following will be a process of it: what is the purpose for my generation and how can i help it?i fell like my generation is on the verge of something monumental if we could only grasp our potential. never before has communication become so easy and never before has the minds of people opened and hate and petty ritualistic fear become replaced by understanding. not just the understanding of it being wrong, but the understanding that the hate before was absolutely stupid. what power we now posses, the power of knowledge. and yet we can easily ruin our chances if we fall into what i feel is the now present plight for our generation... tolerance. everything is slowly moving into this grey blur of soupy mixture that keeps our thoughts on the goal that everyone has a right to live their life how they feel and we should embrace their uniqueness... what bullcrap. i have been pretty decent friends with persons who are gay and who do really nasty drugs. now no matter how great of a person they are or how much i become friends with them, am i going to embrace their uniqueness and think that what they are involved in is completely fine for them just not for me? how could i hope to be objective in anything if i live my life according to that. i would become so luke warm in everything, to the point that i would not be able to act on anything. i would live my life according to what society deems as right which is complete bullcrap which, is exactly what the world is falling into. eh look at my ramble.

So That's Just Fine... Really!!

2003-10-17T20:14:00.000-07:00

hail dear readers, so as i now see it, everyone who has written in has decided that they really want wimper boy to write and feel like he is a good asset to this blog... ughhh. so i will follow the fashion of my readers and involve myself in there opions. so Chrissy i'm sure you're going to enjoy this. as of time of this post you have access to this blog. feel free to put in your frickin' posts and hey who knows... maybe you'll get your honorary status back. now moving on, i'm sure you have all noticed the description of my blog as being about someone named Dwaergor. well dwarves, i have enlisted the aid of my good friend Dwaergor VapanSmidh. he is a dwarf of emense abilities who has many amazing stories to share with all of you eager readers. so please give him a warm welcome and enjoy.

It's definitely starting to feel a little more Dwarfish

2003-10-13T02:39:00.000-07:00

Hail Readers, I am back to once again bring you an installment of feats unknown and abilities yet to be fathomed. Today i hope to bring you a lesson on how to recondition your axe when the shaft of it has broken... or if you just feel like making a new axe. it is a tradition for my clan to make all of our own axes and never to buy premade items. so as you can imagine, i have quite the experience. the process of making a good shaft for your axe is very simple and with a lot of hard work you can really make a shaft that when used with your blade, becomes an extension of your arm and a real tool to cleave an orcs head off.essentially there are only three main steps to making a shaft for your axe: Step 1-find your piece of wood: make sure its nice and solid.i have a preference for Bronzewood myself. make sure that the wood you choose is also in a large log style. planks and or square pieces of wood will only hurt your construction in the long run. trust me. Step2-widdle the log into a usable instrument of doom. basically make sure to take your time and enjoy the trim process of your shaft. using a machine,or trying to get through it too fast will cause numbness in overall attitude towards your weapon. i know other dwarves whom i won't mention, that has bought a few axe shafts or who has decided that even a store bought axe would be sufficient for battle... lets just say that it was a piece of crap and now he is no longer able to fight. Step3-when putting the axe and shaft together, make sure to structure the point of fulcrum significantly equal to your arm length. that way you will be able to use a very solid swing and follow through with your blade. if the axe suffers in its compatability with your inner Ki, you may lose a considerable amount of carnage with every swing... something very important to consider. on a side note: i have been given a considerable amount of emails regarding the pansy who previously owned this site... where as i can understand your enjoyment in his pansy posts and feminine persona... i am not going to let him post on this site regularly. it would be as though this was a version of the odd couple and i don't know what you think, but i am no oscar madison. so please refrain from your incessant hopes to have kristof join the mix, he has in the past only because of his stupid bet he won which i think he rigged but have yet to figure out how it was possible... i hate you chris.

If anyone comments to this i will destroy YOU!! i know where you live.

2003-10-06T19:09:00.000-07:00

it seems like i lost a bet i made with chris and so now i have to post something of his. i am very sorry readers i must abide by the rules of our bet since i am a dwarf who holds to his word. As a side note though Chris if i find out you cheated me in your bet... you're going to be rather stupified with having my boot up your ARSE!! Here's a little free form Friday for ya since ya know i lost my site and all. GIMLI'S GAY: Happiness unrequited and pain yet to be fulfilled loss is loving the mistake of losing your gain. why is that loneliness requires only pain to attend why couldn't he just ask intrepid happiness or meager apprehension. i decide now and here to enjoy my loneliness and fear. sure i lose friends of very dear nature but oh to lose and gain again is something of greater happiness. maybe that could be a secret worth pondering? love loss for the recovery of possible tangents can gain innumerable placations of joy. tough to follow yet pursue i shall for to regret a loss and never relive the fun is to die without the rapture of living to follow in your heart. now i am fully intrigued. Harriet- Love is an element of greatest disaster yet glorious when triumphant, right Bob? Bob- Sure i guess it could be Harriet but i think i am missing your point. Harriet- well you see Bob i love you but i think that to love you would cause me pain i am not willing to feel yet unwilling to lose. but i haven't yet even discovered the root of pain i only know it's lingering form in the soil of my heart. Does that sound odd? Bob- no that sounds rather beautiful and inspiring i think... umm... hmmm... but maybe you could save a comment like that for our second date? Harriet- Oh!! right then good point. Booyah Achieved: i rather love the concept of music it's so funny and so witty yet completely soul gouging and degrading despite its carnal conception of splendor mixed with pain, grief, sorrow, and misery. i think it could quite simply be the most beautiful expression of happiness to ever reach the minds of man. maybe that could be why God wants us to praise him. even if it isn't in song it's still in the same beauty praised inspiration of music, at least to me. Curious

At Least I Posted Again

2003-10-06T18:43:00.000-07:00

Hail all who read my post: Many have sent emails questioning the existence of myself since there has been lack. well fear not for i have returned and am willing to tell why i have been gone for so long. i have been on a glorious quest with my friend Lockwood. we were traversing through the underdark for the past week and boy let me tell you... i smell great. it was a very enjoyable romp through that perilous labyrinth, many have yet to discover the beauty of that wonderful place but eh.. such is life. we were on a mission to dispatch some dark elves who were reportedly raiding the surface at night. first off i know what you readers were thinking... only two dwarves vs. 20 dark elves. good grief get over yourselves that was a little task in comparison to what we got ourselves into. basically as you could imagine we went into their realm and caught them while they were about to raid a small village. the carnage was amazing... you wouldn't believe how easy my axe was able to cut through those blokes. they were like wheat and my axe was felling those bad boys like no ones business. now i must admit it would have been much harder had any femme DE's been there but we were rather fortunate just a bunch of wan be fighters and a decent sqaud of mages. my clothes were all scorched by the end of it. after that we decided to see if this was maybe just an advance patrol and so we went on a little ways to see were they had come from. Would you believe that those SOB's were mounting a very advanced raid for the surface. i nearly screamed for bloody gore when i saw the massive amount of units that were present. my friend Lockwood and i pretty much hauled tail back to the surface to go get our bud GW who had a considerable stronghold in the area. well... to some it up because this is getting rather wordy, we got 500 dwarves and marched into those caves and kicked those elves and driders lights out. it was glorious and much blood poured out that day. Unfortunately this was a well prepared group and we lost many valiant dwarves in that battle but they are assured a place of honor with the fierce battle they ensued on that day.i need to stop writing now i... uhhh... got some dust in my eyes. *on a side note: Chris has been banned from the dwarf guild and has been forced to lay down his title as honorary dwarf. I realize that many of you might not remember that incessant whiner but he was the guy who used to write this article until i took it over in my full Grandeur and Glory. He has been such a whiner emailing me at least 10-20 times a day telling me why he deserves back into his site blah blah blah blah blah and what not. man i would love to chop off his head with my axe i just made from some very beautiful bronze wood for the shaft and mithril for the head i discovered last week on my journey but i digress... oh by the way next time i hope to inform you lucky readers on how to properly construct your very own masterwork waraxe.

HAHAHA I'm Back and all shall suffer my grandeur

2003-09-25T18:56:00.000-07:00

SO we meet again personages of lesser intelligence. mr crap for crap thought that he could get rid of me by kicking me off his blog and changing his username and password well, let me tell you it could have been tough for maybe someone without dwarven stamina, but i was able to create a program which analyzed chris' word phrasing and concepts and then put all of his techinical info into this database and poof... it created possible password and usernames. then i just used macro magic to plug in all possible combos and a little over two weeks later AHA now i am in the system and no use for an axe boy is trying to get in. oh by the way chris i changed the username and password to something you would never be able to comprehend let alone type into the spaces provided so... BOOOOYAH. now on another note: it, as i afore stated, took me every ounce of fortitude and dedication to you readers to get that lame personage of chris off this blog. so i think it would only be fair if you would please remit a 5$ check to Gimli Faterunner P.O. box 2298 Seattle, Wa. 68842. now onto todays topic of intrigue and helpful delights: i thought i would take time out today readers to give you some tips on how to fight a hill giant. Now as you must have read in "The Dwarven Guide to Giant Slaying", written by dronkken Hamdrang, there are many various techniques you can master to overcome a giant in any situation. today however we shall focus on the elusive hill giant. hill giants today are more rare to see than there brothers the mountain giants, probably due to the lack of enebriated halflings which are there main source of dietary fiber. now with hill giants you must remember these key things if you are to succeed in felling the beast: 1) hill giants are idiots and they hardly feel pain so make sure to cause a great deal of damage. 2) they can be a little one track minded so if they attack your warhound hit them with the broad side of your axe until they realize you pose the greater threat. 3) this is supposed to be fun so make sure to let the giant know this by yelling and cursing at it about such things as it might find offensive. (this is how giants have fun) i.e. "your mother was a three toed ogre!" now with these three concepts in mind, here are easy steps to kill this mother: 1) circle around to the back side of the giant to get a good position next to the hamstrings. (rolling underneath the giant as it lumbers towards you is one of my favorite methods) 2) with your axe, slice the hamstrings of both legs and make sure you cut all the way to the bones. (don't worry the blood can come off real easy with some 409 and oxy clean) 3) once the giant starts falling to the ground, cleave the pansy with a good massive overhand stroke to the head. this should cause the skull to split and the brain to be rendered useless. (make sure to backoff for a good 30 minutes as it takes that long sometimes for the giant to realize what has happened) now if you follow these easy steps you too should be able to fell your very own hill giant. for a video on how to fell hill giants please send a vhs cassette and 25$ to the address mentioned above. thanks again and hope you tune in next week as we discuss proper cleaning methods once your blade has become covered in gore.

NOW THAT IS A DWARF !!!!

2003-09-24T13:31:00.000-07:00

so i was just looking through the internet right now during my lunch break and oh man is this what i would consider a great perspective of Gimli son of Gloin. enjoy oh and you have to click on fellowship and then on gimli but oh man is the picture worth it. much better than this crap

it depends on the color of the chicken...

2003-09-17T21:22:00.000-07:00

well... for some reason i am in a mood again. i think it has to do with the fact that i am disappointed with the changes about to take place. Bonzai and Joykos are leaving this great state for a new location in sunny seattle and the evidence is clearly on the wall... or should i say, lack of wall apparel which has never been constant with their surroundings is clearly visible. but more than that i think i must be on my monthly down cycle because man i can't shake my negativity towards life's vindictive reprieves. i know that this is a little unorthodox it being wednesday and all... but here is a little poem that i want to free form: once upon a time not so far away there once was a boy that all assumed was lame. he had a little bit of a quirk with persons of grandeur and it left him most times sitting out in the social pasture now this boy shall share all that was concerning his affair and thereby we shall see if his life appears semblance of the said same. you see dear reader he was broken... he'd lost his way. and the only semblance of a path was his shiny token. a token of a life which would be more sweet and jovial and therefore his hopes were based upon some faith left unbroken. a friend of said boy who's name could rhyme with posh saw this mission and determined to help or at least try to listen. in manners much too coincidental to be luck the friend was intertwined with a situation to press such care as to require this boy's token as ample fare. so with more than a little discussion said friend invited the boy to partake of the mission in which he met a person with which much joy was expressed and oddly enough that name stood the test. next in the boys proceedings, he met the love to the person named above, he was a very generous rock star of whom much could be said. and so through the meetings of these four and more, the boy's token had formed unknowingly into spores. they became quite infectious and intoxicating to boot. as time grew so did the boy's dependency of his precious loot. he loved to show to the meetings of the score... but through his weeks he discovered his true sore. it wasn't the token which caused his pain, but it was the help of HE who showed the way. through talks with His Majesty he found his weakness thereby showing it to all who should care witness. days became the only too fast months while growth became the nurtured run for the boy. during the afore said months much friendship was stirred, especially rekindled among the first friend of old. great has been the boy's journey and great his friends have become, why even if you look at the situation you could say "he's john wayne getting choked by a seatbelt", or "maybe he's on fire and to touch him would burn your finger". i don't know, maybe not, but thats what can be gotten from mugatu. so as can be discerned the little boy's heart has been restored. he is no longer the lame little one we all remember. much to be said will be the departing, of the friends which all of this has come to be. but this is only temporary for the boy and so... this boy leaves his story much more relieved and thanks you readers for his chance at revelry. thanks for your time and patience if you read my poem. i like to write my feelings out on paper rather than just thinking them. especially when i can take the time to try and be artistic with my expression. i hope the intended persons take joy in my poem and if anyone feels left out... please know that many people are referenced in my poem. it is up to you to find your name among my list of friends...

To think any less would mean more

2003-09-16T00:26:00.000-07:00

I hate the idea of negative affirmation of topics. If there is one thing that has always confused me since early childhood, it would be that nonsense. "you don't want any ice cream?" what the crap... If I say yes than i confirm the question right? i want ice cream. why is it then that the opposite happens. i don't get it and it baffles me that our language could be open to interpretation by a simple misthought in meaning of yes or no... cause man oh man, i really wanted some ice cream but i thought i was saying it right to get some... grrrr. but on a note of less complaining... i want to experience a goal in life motivated by desire and funded by faith. at least once in my life... now i know what this may entail to you readers. wink wink oh my gosh he is complaining again, yet nay i tell you all. i am merely stating a feeling that is dwelling in my heart and expressing a desire that may have found its fulfillment. you see dear nifty personages of grandeur, i am on my way to attempting movement to the great site of seattle, wa where i hope to attend SPU. in addition to SPUing my way to a higher level of recognition to the pursuit of intelligence, i will be helping a very nifty couple to found cell group based churches. so my purpose and intent for this statement is that i hope this could enable some to pray on my behalf for enablement to reach this mountain of a goal i have set.

from the future with plenty of slice

2003-09-12T06:39:00.000-07:00

so... i have tried to keep my blogging blogged and have become backtracked miserably. so without further attention to my ineptness. FREE FORM FRIDAY!!! desire to hope for endurance: all my dreams are held in this one wish if all is possible then why not this, my Lord grant me my desire, dont let my dreams die thoroughly amiss. either side: the grass is always greener on the other side? well if the grass is always greener on the other side doesn't that mean what you want is mine. so can't we share and have all that we need right here between you and me. iv'e got grass of the greenest varieties could you share it with a sprinkle of shade from your trees we could have the best of both in a little picnic betwixt you and me my own angel: I've always had a belief in angels, and now i have my proof. if you were able, could you bless me in HIS truth... you sink like a fallen angel, into the quagmire of your past. your dreams are filled with happy sights of your present future, not your past. yet you sink into that which is harmful. you seek to send your love to an unrequited lover who will never send love's present back. is heartbreak such an aweinspiring act? For those of you maybe counting on great insight in those bad boys... eh... i wrote these freebies awhile ago and even though i like there prospects, they are merely fragments of complete thoughts i have yet to realize. i would love to finalize my thoughts but my heart is insisting on sleep right now so maybe later.

Maybe they pump something through the vents

2003-09-11T20:05:00.000-07:00

So anyone out there have a good A.A. group they go to... anyone... br? i could really use something like that cause oh man i'm pretty sure if this addiction is left unchecked i could very easily lose my job. so if anyone out there knows how to curb addicitons... i'm just saying... i here it is a sign of strength for me to reach out to you all... please? my obsession would be eating crakcer jacks while spilling almond milk all over my head and hoping it spills into the cup of noodles on the floor which i shaped into ireland. i can't help myself. so i have gotten a taste of school and boy is that my new addicition... i can't get over how much fun it is to be back in a structured environment where everyone is there to reach some higher goal of insight. well... that and play frisbee golf... anyone up for a game i have a sweet cheetah disc that really works well with my putter in a combo juncture setting. and for all of those who forgot my rule of thumb. no i'm not kidding.

may you please forgive the error

2003-09-11T02:31:00.000-07:00

i'm real sorry i don't know what occured but it would seem someone got onto my blog and started poking fun. i kicked him out and changed my password so hopefully that won't happen again sorry for the oddidty. what a stupid name he had huh. gimli?

chris is lame

2003-09-10T22:29:00.000-07:00

Aaargh can you believe the pitiful diatribe boasted by that arse of a stupid idiot. if i ever met that sad deranged boy in real life i would take him out back and shove an axe down his gullet. by Dwaerog's hammer i have never seen such dribble. sorry for the previous post fellow blog readers. i will be here to keep mr. pansy boy chrissy in line from now on ya here.

So what if i'm 23

2003-09-10T19:13:00.000-07:00

so yet another year has come and another year is on its way to pass; and yet as i ponder the last year of my life i sit here with a peculiar disposition of happiness and a clear sense of triumph. i have only just begun to enjoy the thoughts of life in a degree of successful aptitude and boy oh boy, it rocks. so like i previously stated before i edited it out way back on the 3rd, i have begun to re-educate my poor pathetic ways and by so doing, hope to grow into something less than Dexter and slightly more than me. maybe, but now i'm just hoping, i could even be less than jake. uhhh... think coherence, ponder unity, write fluidly... yeah here is a section which is sure to make some happy while others uninterested: i would like to thank everyone who said happy birthday to me during or around my day mentioned in the previous notion. it really meant a lot to me and if i didn't properly express myself to convey emotions of sincerity... please know that i am stupid. i have emotional detachment problems when it comes to days that my life could possibly become most important to the persons i love, and so i respond accordingly. that said and done... whoo hoo do i suck at miniature golf... i am the rockstar of suckage at it and that makes me oh very happy. i had an amazing time on my birthday with a dinner,in my honor no less, at some of my fast becoming bestest of friends home, Joy and Daniel. *note to self: pictures to link them to would be very useful. if i did that maybe i would look like a l337 haxxor* hey did i ever mention that i recently acquired a very nice camera from my ultimate friend Mr. Josh. he has taken more than a few spectacular photos which is very good because at least i know its only user error with my taken shots. but so if i ever got down to being productive and clever, i would take some photos of all the people who affect me and make me who i want to be. so far i've got crap loads of shots of my cat taking a crap. oh and my brother in a towel... hmmm... maybe its the fact that i want to believe it, or maybe its just the truth of the moment, but i suspect that one of my favorite things in life is the fact that as low you may go, there will always be someone who cares for you enough to see you to the other side of your self inflicted chasm of serenity.

just listen to your heart selma...

2003-09-08T13:20:00.000-07:00

wow what can i say but frickin' amazing and incredibly depressing. i have never been so close to crying from a movie in my life. i saw a movie called "dancer in the dark" last night and i now have the unfortunate problem of having to work whilst being floored from a concept way to inspiring to breath. i would hate to share any part of this movie to you so instead i will try to share some feelings i derived through it. i feel as though i have received a glimspe at the tragedy of the world and found joy through it. dangit... i can't truly express my heart right now. otherwise i would love to divulge all my feelings inspired through this multi-media presentation of life unfathomed yet lived. well hopefully my mind will calm down and i can talk a little more about this work of art but until then please try to see it. i guarantee you it will be a major train wreck for ya.

oh yeah... free form Friday

2003-09-05T00:29:00.000-07:00

there once was a saying that a person might feel and by so doing express there congeal. as far as i know the saying is not lost but its similar counterparts were never worth the priors cost. how anything of perfect bliss could die so thoroughly amiss? no idea, thats why it lives on and repeats itself faster than could be... "I love you Lord, thank you for dying for me" ~chris "crap from that" said the blind monk sitting next to the geriatric prune. you may recall that the prune at one time was a raisin with that oh so popular tune. "hey now no need to be rude ya nasty old geez. i may be a prune but i got's me feelins." "oh sorry" ~chris so if ya liked those ladies, gents, and others, how about this which i wrote awhile back to consider my feelings on starting another relationship since the one i had changed on me like an old school Decepticon. Jessica Has The Reason What is to be dreamt by the love of dreaming isnt through the looking glass but the broken heart, that's the trick for this class it lets all of my fears be silently relieved in betwixt my thoughts of revelry. my thoughts today revolve around my sleeve but its a perspection of joy with which i now plea could it be that love is choking without my clasp? unurtured unspoiled just within my grasp i want to hold this beauty and let her become a thing of grandeur but it perplexes my insight when i try to fathom the expense of this asp its addictive poison cripples my thoughts and leaves me without pain but yet my joy is nothing higher than when i first feel its scaled tunic and again and again i desire its infectious bite and crave its nurture to men in between. i determine to become that which i crave the fieldmouse to her asp, the receptacle to her given joy yet in the end... all said... i will be her grave for spite i can quell and fear i can devide but love i cannot yet give... for my love has died. some day i'm sure my love will be reborn from the heart of another lover it shall be torn and yet such great pain will freely be given for love will be beaten from those who will not live and cast aside by those who write about loves miraculous fight. so with this i know all my truth is abated i cannot forever love for fear of being hated i am only the mongoose and her bite can only cause death i will become nothing but what i dread a lost attempt by a heart torn and bleeding so at last, when all shall be done, i leap back to my waking start. ~chris Congrats on getting to the end it is kinda long. to conlcude i would like to mention that unfortunately i was not able afford feelings on this person and so alas jessica will remain an unchanced instance of happenstance.

and now for something completely different

2003-09-03T18:49:00.000-07:00

Monty Python is the Shiznit. what a wonderful world we live in that allows us to change our past.

Now... where to begin

2003-09-03T18:28:00.000-07:00

so i have all of these thoughts and dreams that i have been writing down in my journal for the past few months and some of it i would like to post to share with all of you lucky boys and girls. however it seems that my mind will not settle for past thoughts and continues to breakthrough to new floundering thoughts and realizations. so... i am presently forced to reckon with my mind and bargain it into a compromise with my feelings. as of today and until my mind feels otherwise, i will be posting two entries a day until my past catches up with me. that way we will all be on the same page when i start talking about my new crush which unfortunately won't be happening yet for some time, so as you can see we have a great deal of ground to cover. *note to all who read this*: i am going to write like this is my semi-private journal (you know like the ones your sibling tries to find under your bed) so if at any time i bore or confuse you, please feel free to write a comment about it and i will laugh at it or cry depending on what you require. now moving on... lets talk about my past: i am a very lucky individual... i have had the pleasure of experiencing true love and it's all that God has entitled it to be. now unfortunately i have lost the receptacle which stored my love, that is to say... my Wife. but do not fear for my story today is of cheer and hope, you see, i have discovered through my journey of depression and remorse that my love was diseased. i loved in truth, my ex like no other and that in itself was my doom. i loved her higher than The Kindler of love and so in effect it could never be true. at least not the level that i now have for my Lord, for His beauty and grace. i know now what it feels like to long for His embrace. and so now i hold the truths of love and feel it ever anew. i am as you now must see truly lucky and free. ~ when i get home tonight i'll miss him...

when time sets us back for future enhancements

2003-09-03T05:47:00.000-07:00

So what the heck i am considering on being very disgruntled. my blog is not exactly how i hope it could be and so now as you read this please realize that my color scheme is perfect on my preview but when i pull it up... man i need to learn html or whatever the crap this is. at least i have josh to bail me out. but enough of that, well here i am on my second post of (insert number here). so when i was looking up color splotches and other interesting whoozits for my blog i discovered a pretty cool site. now i know that dwarfism in our world is a deformity and its really painful and not something to envy but oh man some days i wish i were a dwarf. if i could be about 5'2" and way 220 with a 4' beard and some rocking gauntlets man my life would be so sweet. i would also need a battle axe though and maybe that would be my downfall. i mean, who would really want to be friends with me or even talk to me if i was walking around with a 4' battle axe . 'cause we all know that with todays equal rights crap, if i even tried to hack an orc's head off or sever the hamstrings on some giant while they were say picking some roses, i would have the aclu in my face before the big guy even toppled to the ground so i could administer a head blow... maybe i could be content with a war hammer or something sissy like a sword?